That Magic Moment

These days things are a little different for us as a family. We actually are living 24/7 together. This is good and not so good at times! The other morning I was wondering why dear hubby's arm was SO heavy when I tried to move the blanket only to have both he and I realize simultaneiously that H had joined us in bed. He was crashed! It was nice and funny at the same time. Most mornings H has taken to climbing into bed with us but I am usually mostly awake and he is just wallowing until he fully wakes up. One morning last week, he had climbed into bed and went fast to sleep again. He didn't thrash about as he usually does. It was just starting to get really light out when he woke up rather disoriented and looked sleepily about. He turned his head and got the biggest smile and brightest eyes like someone who had just received the bestest surprise ever when he woke up enough and realized he was looking at mommy....me...his mommy....that person who is the mostest. With a start to your morning like that who cares what the rest of the day brings.

To Gym or Not to Gym...What will H do?

H is not overly adventurous when it comes to new situations. I usually try to get him thinking about a new activity only a day or two in advance so as not to give him too much time to stress about the situation. Last week the opportunity was presented to participate in a preschooler gym class. It's supposed to be a precursor to gymnastics. H loved the gym bus (as I called it) at his prior daycares so I sought out a place to take him that would be similar. It worked out we were able to be added to a class already in progress, not too far from home, and not too late at night, and not too late in the week. These things all bode well for his enery level in an effort to keep the whine/cry mode to a minimum once he gets tired. This is a typical H approach to new things.

Three days prior:
H would you like to go to a gym class where you could do the same things you did on the gym bus?
No.
You liked the bus. Are you sure you don't want to go?
No.

Two days prior:
H, we get to go to the gym class Monday.
I don't want to go to gym.

One day prior:
H tomorrow after school we get to go to gym class.
Can't we stay home?

Morning of:
After school we get to go to gym class.
I don't want to go to gym.
You might like it.
No.
Well, can we just go visit?
No.

After school just prior to class:
H guess what we get to do? We get to go to gym class.
I don't want to go.
Well, why don't we just go and check it out?
Will you come with me? You stay with me Mommy?
Yes, I will be there with you.
Can I just watch?
Yes, we can just watch today.

Arrival and change clothes enter door with 4 little girls who have already been in class for 4 weeks. H hangs onto my neck and won't look at the teacher.

Who's this?
Buried head into my neck.
Do you want to have mommy stay for a while with you?
Slight nodding.
Okay.

First H stays in my lap all curled up and not really wanting to watch. The teacher has the girls stand by little cones and do different activities. H has some interest but not enough want to move out of my lap. He is now sitting up though and paying attention. Then the girls get to bring their cones, H is encouraged to take a cone to the teacher, too! He dashes over and quickly hands off the green cone and runs back to my lap. Now he's sitting on the edge of my foot, then on the floor next to me, then walks a foot over to the big mat, then returns to my lap. We do this routine while the girls and teacher do some other activities.

They other kids move over to a new mat. H wants to join now but asks me to sit along the closest wall. The kids are going to do somersaults. H can do these. He wants to participate but still isn't completely sure. I keep encouraging him. He watches the girls. He goes over to the line. He comes back. He sits, he goes, he peers at the mat, he hangs out in the front of the line but not taking a turn. The girls aren't quite sure what to do with him. Finally, he gets up the courage to want to try a somersault. Down the mat he goes! Then a mad dash back to me. Back to the mat, hanging out in the front again while others go. He takes a turn - mad dash back and we do a high five. We do this three more times and then he's good for a while.

The teacher moves to the cartwheel mat. He's back in my lap but doesn't stay long. He takes up his residence at the front of the line just watching again. This is new to him. He gets up the nerve to try. Mad dash to the lap. Tries again, hangs out. He begins to laugh and smile. He hasn't figured out the cartwheel at all but is beginning to fully participate.

At the end of class:
He stands last in line to get his hand stamp. He confidently declares "I want two." He gets them then starts to dash over to me when the teacher says "Can I have a hug?" He beelines back to her, gives her a hug and a patented H smile dimples and all then has to show me his stamps.

He sits down to put on his shoes "Mommy, I like gym."
I'm glad H. I thought you might like it.

We walk out the door and he sees all the big kids in the large gym doing tumbling, beams, bars, and vault. His eyes just get big and he wants to see.

I want to go in there! (We have to go to the balcony so he can see everyone at once.)
Mommy, why can't we go down there?

Well, that is for big kids. If you go to class for a while, you can go down there, too. Did you have fun? Do you want to come back?

Yes. Mommy, I want to do gym! Mommy I want S to do gym, too.

Well, buddy, I don't know about that. He may not like doing gym like you do.

Mommy, can we come back?

Yes, H, we'll come back next week.

Anatom*y Lessons

We have preferred the actual names of body parts when necessary to some cutey names. He spends quality time showering together with Mommy or Daddy (less tolerant for the shower hog he has become these days although had lots of fun in the really big bathtub on vacation) so he's seen and is comfortable with grown up bodies. However, we haven't been pushing knowing all the part but I think they are learning more about pieces parts at school these days as H has told me he has various body parts that we haven't really discussed. Topic of conversation after his bath tonight?

Anatom*y Lesson 101

Mommy, what is that? (pointing to my fully clothed crotch.) Mommy wisely remains silent to see what comes next.

Mommy is that your p(encil)?
No, H, Mommy doesn't have a pencil.
Why not?
Only boys have pencils. Girls do not.
Oh, does Daddy have a pencil? 'Cause he's a boy?
Yes, Daddy is a boy and has a pencil.
Does Jessie (Toy Story 2 character - we have the little tiny characters) have a pencil?
No, Jessie is a girl.
What about him (Woody)?
Yes, Woody is a boy.
And Buzz?
Yes, Buzz is a boy.
What about alien? (You know the little green guys from the claw machine in Toy Story 1 - they are on his underwear with Buzz).

Here Mommy pauses before answering - what exactly do we know about these strange little green three eyed creatures that seem to act as one individual en mass???

We'll call alien a girl
What about my dump truck?
And Zebra?

Clearly, body parts don't register too much since in his world, all manner of things are alive and well and clearly should have similar names for body parts even if they are purely mechanical.

Saying of the Day: Just a Mom

"H, where's Lightining's big race?"
"In Dallas."

"Mommy, this is the purple bear."
"The purple bear from Toy Story 3?"
"Yeah, Big Lots."

While watching Madagascar
"Mommy, look there's a Hipanonamous!"

We have spent some significant time recently being either a baby kitty or a baby lion. Apparently, they read a book about a baby lion at school one day. I am often greeted in the morning with "Mommy, I'm a baby lion!" Discourse the other day:

"Mommy, I'm a baby lion!"
"Oh, I like baby lions. What does a lion say?"
"ROAR! Mommy, I'm a baby kitty. Meow!"
"Oh, pretty kitty."
"Mommy, I'm a baby bunny!" (Not sure where that one came from and it hasn't appeared since.)
So I start twitching my nose like a bunny.
"Mommy, what are you doing?"
"Twitching my nose like a bunny. Bunnies don't say anything. They twitch their noses. Mommy used to have a bunny."
"Mommy, stop that!"
"I'm a bunny."
"No, you're just a mom."

Delusional Mommy Part I

What on earth was I thinking? H has developed two good friends with two boys at his school. Even at this tender age, it appears there are divisions in the group of only 7 kids - 5 boys (heaven help the teacher) and 2 girls. Obviously the girls play together often but the boys, well there is the three musketeers and the two others.

"H do you play with M?"
"No, he hits me."
"H, do you play with J?"
"No. I don't like him."

So once it became clear there is a definite preference for friends, I asked like any well intentioned Mommy if he would like to have one of his friend over to the house. He thought about it for a while and then it became a frequent request.

"Mommy, I want S and T to come to H house." 
"Well, let's start with one friend, ok?"
"I want T to come to H's house."
"How about we start with S?" I don't know T's mom, have never met the dad, fortunately thanks to the school directory I do know where they live and we are all on an email list - you know for school functions.  So far, we have had "Western Day" and now its "Fall Festival" time and our "class" has a booth (I haven't volunteered anything for that one yet) but I do not know anything else about the parents. As an aside, I signed up for the "Gardening Committee" as it appeared to be only three people and something I could do in grungy clothes. No one has contacted me yet so it was a pretty good choice!

Now, both S's parents work and the family makeup is similar to ours with significantly older siblings but S is not adopted. S is also soon to have a younger sibling. 

Anyhow, now that we no longer go to daycare, we/I have no holidays to myself. I panicked one day when I looked at the school calendar and realized just how many days off the kids get! This of course means either I stay home with H or in some cases, H gets to go to the office (and I get very little done.)

The opportunity presented itself  to ask S's mom if he could come over and play with H on Columbus Day. She said yes and his dad would bring him over. I thought GREAT! What could be better? I suggested a morning drop off to keep with the lunch and nap schedule. In my head, I was thinking of ALL the things I could do while two THREE YEAR OLD BOYS (yeah, keep that phrase in your mind) played together. Would I be able to finally iron (shirts only get ironed when my mother-in-law comes to visit - it makes me feel bad but she hates to sit around so I take her up on the offer to do something), clean the bathroom, pull some weeds, wipe the floors? Oh, the possibilities were endless.

I have to insert here, there was no discussion about coming by, seeing the house, making acquaintances, checking things out. They got the address and agreed to a date and time. I have to confess, the reason I agreed to have a friend come here is I do not yet trust any other parent with my child. Is that so awful?

I have been presented with some really outlandish (to me and my midwestern sensibilities) plans to have H whisked off to various places by others...ummmmm NO. I'm not paranoid. Really. A) I know my kid and he would not go with anyone else except a grandparent without some introductory period; B) no one has asked about particulars of how we raise our son - I ask about various things like food, pets, etc. and all I get in response is - nope, he'll be fine; C) have I mentioned I do not trust my kid with anyone else? I have never met these people outside of context and I do no know who they habituate with outside of that context. Go ahead parents, weigh in on that one!

Anyhow, the entire weekend was cold. Yup, we had a 20 degree differential. I was so hoping to just let the boys loose with the hose in the backyard with trucks, mud, and kiddie pool. After all, this is NE TX and fall doesn't really mean cold. Nope. It was cold and gray - strike one.

H was sick (different post) and had a faucet for a nose Monday - strike two.

Drop off time came and went. No calls. I kept wandering to the door to see if there was a car in the driveway. H wanted to play. I was distracted. H wasn't feeling so chipper but I couldn't give him anything or else he would be sleepy if they did arrive. If I knew they weren't coming, I would have made different plans (and lounged in my pj's a bit.) Turns out S's dad got caught up working and couldn't do the earlier drop off. He called and said "I didn't receive a response to my text so I thought I would call. Text? Look, I gave you may home phone number which only three people on the planet have so if you needed to call me I would hear the phone. I'm home, my other phones (yes, plural) are somewhere else. He's a self-employed works from home guy in technology so he's attached at the hip to his phone.. Anyway. we spent the time wondering when our guest might arrive - foul ball.

Saying of the Day: I have my roses on!

H is thoroughly enthralled with my mom "Grandma." Not Grandmaw, not Grandmother, more like "Gramma." I think it's because she was with me when we got custody of H. The whole waiting for your kid thing was a bit wierd. We had opted to fly a few days early to Kaz so my mom could experience Almaty for herself and see where H came from. It also saved us hundreds on the airfare (later spent on the hotel room but that's a different story). So, we were there ahead of the other families that were there to pick up their kids. All our families opted to meet in Almaty instead of Karaganda. Since we were ahead of everyone, we were left to our own devices (happily) for those few days. However, it meant not getting the same information all as a group. The morning of arrival, I didn't have any idea how the day would play out. We hadn't received any communication from our contact there as to arrival time. There were no messages waiting at the desk (not that the hotel staff was particularly gracious about our presence to begin with). We woke up, got dressed and leisurely went down to eat breakfast. While eating, I noticed the other families waiting in the lobby (breakfast was in a loft overlooking lobbyy). You know the telltale signs of something is going to happen, waiting expectantly, with cameras, and kind of nervously pacing....hmmmmm. Then, someone said "They're here!" So we quickly went downstairs. I didn't have time to go get my camera or anything else. We reached the first floor and everyone else just seemed to stand there as if waiting for some kind of ceremony. I looked around, couldn't figure out what the correct protocal was supposed to be (having never done that kind of thing - you know meeting someone else to take custody of your own child) and said "Well, I'm going to go get my son." With that, I walked out the door with my mom right behind me. The driver got out of the car and walked around to the passenger rear door and a young woman got out holding H. Now, at this time I noticed it wasn't one of the doctors or one even one of the staff that I knew as was supposed to travel. However, I really didn't care. I took him and all was well. You know there aren't any pictures of me being handed my son but at the time all I wanted was to just to get him and keep him. I checked him over. Thanked the young lady who obviously thought he was the cutest thing ...then...well, I handed him off to my mom so I could run up and get my camera!! I have the best picture of the the two of them smiling/laughing at each other.

So, ever since that time (and the 36 hour flight back) H has been very attached to my mom. My parents joined us celebrating H's birthday a few weeks ago. It's gotten a little colder here. It's no longer 98 degrees at night so Grandma woke up one morning and had a robe on.

"Grandma, what's that?" Grandma has a blank look since she is simply standing in the hallway dressed without anything seemingly new.
"Grandma, what you wearing?"
Grandma's response "A robe."

Fast forward to this morning while we are playing "truck" on mommy and daddy's bed.
"Mommy, look I have my roses on! Just like Grandma!"

It Is Well....

With my soul.

I had never heard that song until I played it one Sunday morning just before we got to travel to Kaz. I like it. It is soothing. This morning, while engaging in the activity that makes all things clear again (aka a shower without someone hogging the tub which is getting more common as H takes up more room and doesn't want to share), my soul became well again. I realized I can weather the tumult that is H's complex life story because he trusts me and loves me. Sometimes I just need a while to process these things.

Saturday was a fun filled wonderful day. We did our errands (two trips to Sam's and yes, H knows "Mommy, that says Sam's!) had a decent nap and played outside little kid style - with water, in the dirt, filling the kiddie pool, hauling trucks, buck nekked - as they say around here. H has been wandering around outside more and more without shoes (and frequently without clothes - for some unexplained reason he has to take all his clothes off when we get home from school.) Well, Sunday morning it seems he had a sliver in his foot. Not much to be done about it other than try to remove it.

Now here I get to interject: do you know what happens when your best pair of tweezers are put into a light socket? They trip the breaker, the plugs, and melt the tweezer tips. Bummer. I think they were about twenty years old and had just the right amount of grasp. I digress.

So, we sit in the kitchen. Mommy on the floor, H in Daddy's lap wrapped tightly in his arms to reduce squirming. Even before I can begin the procedure H begins crying and squirming. Crying and squirming, crying and squirming. Crying harder - tears begin streaming down his face. Mommy trying to determine if it is indeed a sliver or just a cut - dang this needing bifocals thing as it becomes impossible to really be accurate. I'm sure it hurt a bit but H was more plain frightened than anything. This came right on the heels of getting TWO shots Thursday at the doctor's office. He cried with tears streaming down his face then, too. Then he wouldn't walk and said his boo boo's hurt. By the time we got home, they felt well enough to take off the bandaids but he still walked stiff legged. It was quite a show.

Anyhow, after determining that I did all that I was going to be able to do, you would think H would want to stay wrapped up safe in Daddy's arms away from Mommy who's been probing his foot with s sharp pointy object. But nope, the nanosecond I stopped, H leaned down with tears streaming out of his eyes reaching his arms out for me to take him and just hold him. We sat there for a long time on the floor together. I just held him quietly in my lap. H knew he was safe and protected and loved.

I have cultivated this from day one. He is safe. He is protected. He is loved. He can come to me when he's hurt, angry, happy, sad, wild, scared, and everything in between. It just took one long morning shower after feeling disconcerted to realize that we will get through this together. If he will reach for me at such terrifying moments now, hopefully he will reach for me later when things get more complicated in his world.

I am his mommy.

Looking Toward the Future

We are officially into the preschool years. After three days celebration, a box of way too many neon icing covered cupcakes half of which we pawned off at his school, and more Hello Kitty rings than I know what to do with, H is now three.

Mommy! Mommy! I want to show you! Look! (as he holds up three fingers)

H is the apple of his teacher's eye wherever he goes. His new school is terrific. His teacher loves him, the gym teacher loves him, the after school teacher loves him, even the teacher we met before school started that isn't his teacher loves him.

"He is so sweet!"

Maybe that's partly because he doesn't have the influence of older siblings which we are now being subjected to via exposure at school with not so nice phrases, tones, attitudes, and flicking. Yes, my three year old had to demonstrate on me that he can "flick!" Only this is a flick free zone....he doesn't quite get that but once he's been subjected to some serious flicking maybe he will appreciate the oasis that we have set up here.

So, as he grows and becomes more cognizant, I have a difficult internal struggle which is really starting to surface. My son is HAPPY!

He wakes up in the morning: "Mommy, I'm happy!"

In the afternoon: "Mommy, I'm happy!"

In the evening: "Mommy, I'm happy! I'm happy Mommy!"

All of this said with the cutest dimpled grin you can imagine and bright twinkling eyes just wanting to show me the world is his oyster.

So, why the dilemma? H is blissfully unaware of the complex world in which he has been placed.

Digression for cuteness:
H: Mommy, what is S's Mommy's name?
Me: I don't know, H. Maybe it's Mommy?
H: No, that's your name!

His class already had an "All About Me" unit the first week of school and it included the makeup of his family. His was just two parents which isn't quite accurate but we didn't feel the need to correct it at this point. He has step-siblings one of which he knows, one of which he's seen pictures and we talk about, and one of which he will only likely meet once in his lifetime....

I was a little disturbed in my being but not really sure how to describe it when I read a line from this blog that really hits home for me:

“It is because I have been involuntarily been put into a world of complex issues at a very young age.”

http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/adoption-domestic-adoption-international-adoption-embryo-adoption-foster-care-adoption/hating-adoption-loving-life-familyies/

Adoption is a messy and complex process no matter how you view itor how it was accomplished . In my family alone we have private domestic open adoption, foster adoption from not good circumstances, and international adoption circumstances unknown. There's the (regardless of right or wrong viewpoints) Primal Wound view, the "saved and lucky" view, the "head in the sand view, and the "just trying to muddle through" view.

The problem is, we, his family whom he loves dearly and knows he is loved, will have to introduce him to the world that is his. There's no way to know in looking to the future exactly how he will feel about adoption no matter how successfully we approach it. We will do our best to muddle through. However, it truly breaks my heart to know that we, his loved Mommy and Daddy, will have to introduce this happy wonderful person to a very complex world at a very very young age.

I can help with boo boos, scratches, disappointments, mean kids, tough assignments, sports losses, even the losing of friends and pets. I cannot ever fix the fact that his lifestory will be complex.

It makes me want to cry.

Saying of the Day: It's That Simple

We have officially reached the stage where every question and statement is answered or made with "why?" I try my darnedest to answer each and every time. However, there are just times when I cannot explain something or even make up an honest to goodness try at an explanation. I have resorted to a standard answer especially when the topic relates to behavior or some other difficult topic for which there is no real understandable answer. No, it's not "because I said so" or "that's just the way it is" or even "when you get older you will understand."

Nope. I use "It's that simple."

We seem to have a theme going these days. Often when H gets silly obnoxious tired he says nonsensical things typically involving the word poop. Yup, for some reason we are all about poop. It usually goes something like this:

"Daddio! Poop, poopy, pooooooper, poopy!"

Nice.

Pre-bath conversation tonight?

H:  "Mommy, we don't eat poop."

M:  "That's right H we don't eat poop."

H:  "Poop isn't food."

M:  "You're right H, poop isn't food."

H:  "It's that simple."

Logic

"Mommy, we don't poop outside. We're not a dog."

"That's right H. We don't poop outside. Did they tell you that at school?"

"No. Piper poops outside. Piper's a dog."

You can't argue with that logic.

I guess we'll discuss the cats another day....

Dreaming

First thing H said the other morning when he came into my room.

Mommy I had a dream.

What did you dream about?

Birdies

What were the birdies doing in your dream

Reading to me

What were they reading

A book

What was the book about

Fire trucks

Was Mater in your book

Yeth

Was Mater the firetruck

Yeth

Were they big birdies

No, little birdies

Like robins

Yeth. I like birdies. I like firetrucks.

There's no way to have a bad day after a start like that.

Saying of the Day: It's good for me

It's true that H may be a little spoiled. He's basically an only child. He gets to have his Mommy all to himself 75% of the time. He has numerous clothes and toys (all be it at this point they are mostly used and do not have all the parts but we don't care we can still mix and match - toys and clothes). As parents, we have been willing to by little things like miniature story characters or matchbox type cars.

Since moving to NE TX where there isn't a whole lot of things to do for a 2GO3 or a full time working part-time single parent, I have taken to going to Tar*get, B_g Lots, or Ross at times to just wander around. In the early stages it was about looking at all the balls. Now, it is about looking at the toys. H tells me at times he NEEDS to go to the Red Store (aka Tar*get) to get sumthin'. However, he has come to realize that the toys do not change very often. The stores here do not carry much stock. He is basically bored with what he sees when we go. I will let him look at anything he wants, try it out, make the sounds, "read" the box, and then he has to put it back. At times we will purchase other little items such a some new stickers on clearance. One time H insisted on getting napkins with Cars characters. He was a little confused when Lighting McQueen was NOT on the napkins but we eventually used them up just the same.

Last week we went to KM---t. I was actually looking for an accessory to go with his train set we got (on clearance) that was on clearance online but when I found it in the store it was full price. Bummer. Anyhow, this KM--t is not a particularly nice store and the stock is always low. In usual custom, we perused the toy aisle and not finding much to keep our interest we moved on. We found the movie rack and there were some early reader books along with them. We have a number of books at this point and I really try to censor what we get to make sure it's going to be read for a while. H discovered a Chugginton book with dinosaurs in it. I wasn't sure why there was a dinosaur in a train book but then I'm not sure why this series has a flying train either. Side note - H loves Chuggington and I am willing to watch it umpteen times so it's not bad. If you ever go online for the TV show version, you will find the voices and sayings have been altered for sale here to be Americanized. The voices are actually better with a real British accent. I digress.

H looked at the books. Took them out, laid a few on the floor "I still lookin' Mom." is a frequent reply these days. Finally, he finds one he thinks he cannot live without. It's a Mater book where Mater makes believe he is something other than a tow truck. It has lift flaps and the story is a bit lame but I try to work with whatever we can in those situations. Anyhow, not being impressed with the book and not really wanting to fork over the $5 it costs ($1-$3 is usually my spending max per impulse toy) I tell H he needs to put it back and we are not going to get it. H doesn't throw a fit when I tell him this. He usually talks himself out of wanting something anyway and I can tell if he's just wanting to want and not really into the toy so I let him work through it. He wasn't budging on the book. I told him I needed to go look at the curtains. H carried the book along.

"H, we are not going to get that book."
"Why?"
"We don't need the book."
"Mom, it's good for me!"

After trying not to laugh out loud, we got the book. True to H's obsession we have read it every single time we had a chance, took it bed, and carried it in the car even the short trips around here. He's emulated the story, talked endlessly about the characters, and asked a gazillion questions about fire, fire trucks, ambulances, etc.

We have certainly gotten our $5 worth of time out of it so maybe he was right. It is good for him.

Saying of the Day: Thanks, Mom.

Last Christmas I actually wrapped up a pair of fleece pajamas for H. When I was a kid, we always received a new pair of pajamas at Christmas. I'm not sure how I was when I was very young, but as I got older, I used to look forward to opening those new pajamas and often wanted to wear them that night. I presume my mom washed them so I could wear them but that part is a little fuzzy in the memory.

I don't know exactly what I was expecting but some recognition of the effort would have been welcome even from a 2yo. I thought H would ooh and ahh because well, they had footballs all over the pants and we were still very much in the "ball"stage (separate story about football obsession.)

H wasn't quite as bad about opening a box of clothes as my step-son who basically just tosses them aside. H at least looked at it, seemed a little confused, figured it wasn't a toy, and THEN put the box aside. Maybe the process will speed up as he gets older...sigh.

Anyhow, H is going to start a new school the end of the month. It really is a school this time and not just daycare. It is a private school and requires all the kids to wear uniforms. Unfortunately, the school only allows families to buy uniforms from one place via catalog. Apparently even schools are all about "me" these days and seek out the best way to leverage things to the advantage of the school. I'm pretty sure khakis are khakis and they don't need to be $30...but I digress (and I did NOT pay $30 for the khakis as I found some discontinued in the catalog for $10 - whoohoo!)

I bought the clearance items earlier in the summer but the school has a used uniform sale before school each year. I was happy to hear the school has a used uniform store. H wears mostly used clothes from the thrift store which I got for $1 before we moved. I have him fully clothed until age 5. Of course, now the irony is he won't need all those clothes since he will be wearing a uniform.

I really scored at the used sale. The school has only had the youngest ages for a couple of years so there were not many toddler sized clothes. I did score a fleece jacket, fleece vest, and a sweatshirt which would have set me back about $100 all for only $15. The smallest they make is a 4T so we are covered for a couple of years at least. I also managed to get two pairs of pants and two shirts. He can make it through the week without me washing.

To begin the process of introducing yet another new school, I showed H the "special" clothes I bought for him. "H, look at this! This is your special new jacket and your special shirt!" done Vanna White style sweeping my hand across the emblem for extra eye grabbing attention.

Surprisingly, he takes the jacket from me and looks at it carefully, inspects the logo, and runs his hands over it. He seems satisfied and hands it back to me.

"Thanks mom. Thanks for buying me special clothes."

Can I get a recording and play it back when he's 15?

Saying of the Day: Mom, where'd the coconuts go?

We had a treat today with Daddy being here most of the day before taking him to the local airport. We were all a bit tired and some of us had an almost three hour nap from a day of fun yesterday. We were invited to my boss' house for dinner and to spend some time with a possible coworker. I need to explain a bit about Boss' house. The have grandsons...and lots of toys, a baseball field, a giant swing set fort, and a pool. The oldest grandson, who "just turned 7" as he informed me, spends a lot of time there. Boss arranged for 7 year old to come spend time with H yesterday evening. After nearly 40 minutes of sitting in my lap, one good sized snack later, and a little Planet 51, H was ready to go and go he did. He LOVED the slide "Daddy, I go fast!" H also spent time in the pool all be it close to the steps where I could dive in after him if his arm floaties came off. He was imitating 7yo by trying to swim under water, throwing balls, and desperately wanted to dive off the diving board (ummm...no "Why Mommy?") He had such a good time in his exhausted stupor on the way home tyring REALLY hard  not to fall asleep he told me "I want to stay here. I don't want to go home."

My feelings weren't hurt and on the flip side 7yo seemed to enjoy having someone else to play with even if he didn't know how to rough house (yet.)

Anyhow, as an alternative to our weekly trip to Sam's, we opted to go to Wal-M..t after dropping Daddy off at said local airport. H was wholeheartedly willing to participate to go look at toys. I've come to the conclusion that WM doesn't really have even a good selection of toys but we look anyway to appease the wondering mind and wandering body that is H. Often we don't buy anything "You can look but we aren't going to get that."  Today, we opted for a couple of sticker packs that were on clearance as well as the needed item - mile - desired items - decent cottage cheese, precooked beef roast - and some unneeded items - new frozen pizza dough with mozzarella cheese bites and...chocolate donuts (think Hostess gems.)

Sometime before dinner was done H piped up with "Mommy, what happened to the coconuts?" Ok, mom brain thinking really hard - usually can decipher most references even those from left field but coming up completely blank on this one. "H, what coconuts?" "The ones with holes in them." Now I'm wondering what he has seen recently on TV to know that coconuts have "holes" in them = Madagascar drinking salt water out of half....no other references come to mind...completely blank. "H, we don't have any coconuts." "Yes, (we've been working on the "s" sound instead of the "th" sound), the coconuts in the cupboard with the holes in them."

"H, do you mean the chocolate covered donuts with holes in them?"

"Yeth."

Saying of the Day: I need another one!

We have always encouraged H to be "helpful." We try not to use "good" or "bad" but rather try to instill a desire to be helpful and thereby wanting to do as we ask rather than being punished for not doing what is requested/asked. Although we have plenty of "not so" helpful moments, on the whole, H is a pretty good helper. He helps feed the pets, puts the dishes away, carries recycling, and puts away his clothes (not folded yet but that's ok we can work on that later.)

Sometimes his desire to be helpful is slightly colored by his 2GO3 point of view of the world as evidenced last week. I am down to my last few weeks of wearing braces. H has never seen me without braces so it will be interesting to see his reaction when I get them off. He has shown interest in them and asks to touch them at times but they are accepted as just the way Mommy is.

Anyhow, I am now wearing two rubber bands in sort of a triangle formation on either side of my front teeth upper and lower. I am used to it now but they do present a problem for eating at times as I cannot get the food  past the bands. Last week just before we sat down to dinner, I removed my bands to eat. H already had his food when he jumped up and said "I need another one!" He rushed to the desk drawer in the kitchen and started rummaging around. I was caught off guard by his sudden dash. I tried contemplating what on earth he was going to get another one of. My first inclination was to ask him to sit down and eat but now I was slightly curious. He dashed back to the table with a look of accomplishment on his face and in all seriousness said "Mommy, here, I got you another one!"

A split second later it dawned on me he had gone to the drawer to get me another rubber band to put on my braces....and was so earnest in handing it to me. I was really glad I had stopped for just a second and didn't admonish him to just sit back down. It's good to know he's thinking about other people and connecting the dots!

"Thank you helper boy! I'll just put it right here for now." I set it aside and he went back to eat. I thought I was in the clear since he seemed to forget about it after dinner and bed. However, in the morning, he duly noted "Mommy, why it still there? How come you not wearing it?"

"Thank you H, I have one already."

Imagination

We have a typical boy who imagines typical boy things. Our world right now revolves around who is Buzz and who is Woody (on any given day it's me or him or various stuffed creatures including Boy - see past post), various cars are "Meenie" aka Lightning McQueen who needs his tires fixed by Guido (although not much mention of Luigi), and various other transporation oriented mind trips like getting into the truck - usually a bed or on the stairs - flying, boating, hot air ballooning (not sure but my closet is the favorite hot air balloon and he has ever been in one or seen a real live one up close only the ones in his books). Would have liked to take him to the festival last weekend, however, I noticed my "reminder" on my "smart" phone on Monday morning. Ah well, we had a good time this weekend anyway going to the park to play on the swings. Can someone explain to me why swings are no longer part of the park experience?? There are two parks here that have swings - one nice one and one not so nice. Neither of them have the number of swings we had growing up though.

Anyhow, our play revolves around other transportation themes like train tracks, car haulers, fire trucks, and anything that can crash into something else. It's amazing just how LOUD two tiny little Hot Wheel (only the cheaper ones) sized cars can be when crashed into each other over and over on the window sill in our bedroom at 6 am....

Lately he has wanted to "drive my car." No, really, he wants to sit in the front seat "Mommy, what's that seat called?" "That's the passenger seat." "No, mommy, that one." "The one I'm sitting in?" "Yeth." "The driver's seat." "I want to sit in that one. Mommy, I want to driver your new car."

Remind me to tell you someday about our all day expedition to find a new (used) car 3 hours away.

Saturday morning, though I think we reached new levels (possibly a real low level) in imagination play. H discovered tongs this weekend. I gave him a pair - the relatively inexpensive kind that you would use to pick up corn on the cob - to walk around with outside Friday night and he had tons of fun trying to pick up things. He originally started out with nice and big grilling tongs. I wouldn't let him take those outside to wander around with but did let him keep them for play in the house.

While waiting for hubby to wake up (my day started at 5:30 when H came in the room and started crashing the cars together), H decided he wanted to play with his tongs in his room. So, he started picking up various objects; a sock, a car, a Pooh bear, a block.

"Look, mommy! I picking up poop! Don't touch it!" Complete pooper scooper action with putting it in the "bag" (a bench box we use to put shoes in.)

Yup, we know how to have fun in NE TX.

Saying of the Day: I NOT a doctor!

We haven't really spoken much to H about his adoption. Honestly, we've been rather busy with the rather mundane aspects of surviving life with a 2GO3 and trying keep him thriving and not so much whining (a lot lately).

We  haven't kept it a secret. It's just not a topic of main conversation. These days I've taken to calling him "H Buzz Wilson." For those of you who may not be familiar with the context, Buzz Lightyear and Wilson from Chuggington. At any given moment he will announce "Mom, I'm Buzz." So we have Big Buzz (me), Little Buzz, (H), and Baby Buzz (his three inch tall toy Buzz.) He has also announced he is Wilson and I'm Koko. We have decided Daddy is Dunbar - a very apt description as far as we are concerned.

One little side shot about Buzz. I picked H up from school two weeks ago to this pronouncement. "Jacob has a Big Buzz. We need to go to the Red store."
"Why do we need to go to the Red store?"
"I need a bigger Buzz."

Ah, a classic case of Buzz envy!

Daddy has pictures of H on his computer that cycle. These include pictures from our trip to Kaz all the way up to recent ones. H loves to watch them whenever he can and ask about them. We tell him about each one. "This is the day we became a family, this is the day we took you outside for the first time since you were 7 days old, this was the group of families we met at the orphanage." He knows we chose him and he is special. I have a picture frame with 25 spots that I intend (and still do) to hang in his room with pictures from our time at the orphanage. Somehow, it has gotten put on the back burner....imagine that.

I bought a book with the thought of introducing him to adoption as a more concrete concept but it didn't really seem to fit all that well. I haven't found another one that tells our story. I do intend to create a sort of book for him that has our story but unfortunately, that, too, hasn't found its way to the priority list. We also lost ALL of our pictures leading up to the first day we met him. Fortunately, Daddy took two with his phone so we have something from that day but the classics: here's our pile of stuff we are about to put into tiny suitcases, here's our trip itinerary, here we are at the airport with our TON of luggage (which were NOT overweight amazingly we never paid extra luggage fees) here we are in Frankfurt, Almaty, Karaganda, etc. All were wiped out - boo hiss.

Anyhow, we haven't been "forced" into discussion on this topic as H really looks a lot like Daddy. And funny enough, Saturday, the checkout lady at the Blue store asked if he was the grandson! HAHA! This is not a frequent occurrence but definitely not an unheard of assumption.

I have a cousin who adopted domestically at birth and has an open adoption. Therefore, adoption is simply all he has known and his everday life deals with it. I have another family member who adopted domestically but circumstances were less the ideal. I'm not sure if they have broached the subject much as he, too, looks similar to the family and well, he's still quite young.

Are we remiss, maybe, are we ignoring the subject? No. We do talk about being Kazakh, when we met him, how we chose him, our Family Day, and how he flew on planes a long long way to "come home."

I like to read other blogs about adoption. Sunday, I was reading about a family that had adopted from Kaz and China. H got up from his nap and came to sit in the bed with me.

"Mommy, who's that?"
"That's a little girl. She's adopted like you are."
"I NOT a doctor!"

I laughed too hard to go into a discourse about adoption and we went and had a snack instead.

Saying of the Day: All Aboooooorn!

Being the "frugal" mom I am, I picked up quite a few used toys at this terrific St Vincent's Thrift store in SOH before we moved (oh I really really miss that place). The trouble with picking up toys in a thrift store is you are not always aware of the completeness of the items if they are bagged or boxed. Though I managed quite a few quality scores, I also had a couple of duds. I bought one indoor tent and realized when I got home it didn't have any poles and were unable to easily configure something. Hey, it was only a buck so how can you go wrong? Luckily for me (and H), he received one for his birthday last year and the other one has been relegated to a closet somewhere in case we need a backup. The second obvious item is a little more on the fence. I picked up a railroad track and train by Playschool circa 1994. Whenever I pick up used toys, I try to find one online so I can figure out how it works, if its missing pieces, or just take up the challenge of finding something out about it. I have scored some really great used European toys and been able to find them online.

This track is not the tiny Thomas the Tank wooden sized tracks and trains (although I did purchase one of those at an off brand cheapo store and while the track definitely has some quality issues it does the trick and I even found some extra track all for under $15). This Playschool track is perfect for toddlers. It is large, plastic, snaps together, and has interesting details. I would say the track itself is about 3" wide. It is also not Little People - we have a plethora of those - again due to various used toy purchases.

Unfortunately, the set has some issues from being well used - it only has two cars - a coal car and a caboose - who needs an engine right? Try as I might, I have been unable to locate this same set online for parts of even to tell how much is exactly missing. At first, I thought I would just trash it but I decided to see if H might at least play with the track using some other toys. As it turns out, he loves the cars themselves. They are often elsewhere (on our windowsills which are only 12" from the floor and 7" wide-ish and perfect height for parking cars, boats, planes, trucks, and whatever. H has noticed that there seems to be some missing crucial pieces. "Mommy, no more. No more, Mommy."
"Yes, H, there are no more train cars. We can still play with them though." This has beccome a standard phrase. If a toy is missing a part "It's broken but we can still play with it!" I'm not sure at what age H will comprehend that maybe it can't be played with if it's too badly damanged but we aren't there yet thanks to toddler ingenuity or ignorance.

So the caboose handily becomes a "trailer" for Lightning McQueen and the coal car carries all kinds of things. The track is used as well but is big enough it doesn't easily travel. We've been playing with the tracks and watching Chuggington for a few weeks now but H has just started with a special phrase. I am not sure where he heard it. I haven't said it. The video doesn't say it so I assume it comes from school. At first, I wasn't sure what I was hearing but finally after much intent scrutiny I deciphered this:

"All abooooooorn! All aboooooooorn!"

Yup, a new phrase for sure and too cute to correct.

Touch

Love is real , real is love
Love is feeling , feeling love
Love is wanting to be loved
Love is touch, touch is love
Love is reaching, reaching love
Love is asking to be loved
Love is you
You and me
Love is knowing
we can be
Love is free, free is love
Love is living, living love
Love is needed to be loved

by John Lennon

From the first moment I had H in my permanent physical possession, I have tried to create a sense of comfort and love with touch. The very first night he went to sleep in the hotel room crib, I spent quite a while rubbing his back gently and slowly. That was just over two years ago. He was never one for much rocking or putting on lotion so every night when I laid him down in his crib, I would rub his back. Now that he no longer sleeps in his crib (or in his bed for that matter) I make a point to rub his back whenever I get a chance. H has never commented on it but seems to accept it.

H has never been a cuddler. He has never been eager to give hugs or kisses. He will occasionally pat me or touch me but he's generally not a touchy feely kid. I am sure this is part personality and part early life in an orphanage when no one just picks you up and holds you just because. It wasn't because they weren't cared for but the workers just didn't have the time. So, H never really developed a sense of just cuddling. These days he does, however, want to sit next to me or his daddy on the couch when we watch his movies. He is willing to be picked up and will hold onto me when I do so. He will occassionally hold onto my arm or leg and say "You're stuuuuuck." He will hover and hide around my legs when he is being shy or unsure of a situation. He understands physical closeness but doesn't always have a need to express it.

For some reason last night, H woke up crying incessantly and could not get back to sleep. I laid on the floor with him in his room but he just squirmed and was restless. When I tried the usual routine of just laying there for a while and then softly announcing I would be returning to my room, I was met with wails. Eventually, not wanting to sleep o the floor, I asked him if he wanted to sleep with me in my room and he acquiesced. We have a king bed. I laid him down on Daddy's side and covered him up thinking he would have plenty of room to squirm. No sooner than I had climbed in my side that H suctioned up to me. He still squirmed and tossed for a while - longer than I did as I finally fell asleep. H's one form of physical comfort is to rub his feet against me - usually my legs just to make sure I am still there. As you can imagine, it is not necessarily easy to fall asleep with the occasional foot being routinely shoved against you. Oh well, I take it for what it is meant to be - most of the time.

Tonight, H would not settle down for bed. At first he cried and fussed and wanted to sleep with me again. Ummm...no. We did our routine, book, banana, Skye with Daddy, music, lights out, lay down, and leave. What came next was 30 minutes of crying, whining, fussing and going back and forth between his room and my room. I would follow him back to his room, stand outside the door, and talk quietly, then firmly, then authoritatively, then a few "I'm going to have to put toys away" comments. Finally, it became clear he wasn't going to settle down on his own. I gave in and laid down with him again to try to get him to sleep. He was still crying and sniffling. After a minute or two of laying down with him he requested "Mommy, rub my back." Understand this is only the second time he has ever asked for me to do that. The first time was just a couple of days ago laying in the bed with me in the morning - that story was part of my epic blog that was eaten by the cyber ghost at 4 am and never made it to publication.

Anyhow, he was laying on his back so I just lightly rubbed his tummy, side, and chest for awhile. He became calmer. The cries subsided. He settled down. After a few minutes of rubbing, he took my hand and just held it until he fell sound asleep. Do you know, at that moment I began paying attention to the music playing in the background and it was the song above. It was "Love is touch, touch is love" to be exact.

Effect

As an adult involved in any child's life you want to have a lasting positive (hopefully) effect. I hope my nephews remember me fondly as one is all grown, one is just about there, and the third is a man-child. I have a niece who is also grown this year and has graduated high school. I hope there is loving and respectful remembrances of our times together rare and distant though they may be.

As a parent, you want the same type of effect only magnified 1,000 times in the little daily activities and moments of life. You want that little voice in their his head to say "be careful," "be polite," "be compassionate," be you." And there are the moments like this morning on our way to school when you know. You receive confirmation that you, at times, have made such an impression on a young life that it appears quite unexpectedly. There is an immense source of pride in knowing that at some point, your child actually paid attention to you - for a second anyway.

I previously wrote about our song "Where are the cows" (which I realized a few days ago is sung to Farmer in the Dell - don't ask I am just learning about Doggie Doggie Where's Your Bone - at H's request - and need to figure out the melody on that one so my mind is preoccupied). So, we sing this song on the way to school as we pass a large pasture. H has begun filling in every other line for me.

Mommy: "Where are the cows?"
H "Where are the cows?"
Mommy "Where are the cows?"
H "Are they outside today."
He is capable of adding previously rendered verses, too, although somehow "They must be in the barn" always comes out "They must be in the farm." Oh, well, it's close enough.

I usually try to sing nonsensical ridiculous songs about whatever comes to mind, I don't always have a good emelody in my head but try to make it simple so I can repeat it if required. As a reasult, H has put in a few requests lately. Tonight he wanted me to sing about Buzz - as in Buzz Lightyear. That one was not one of my better ones. I do take pride in "Rock-a-Bye Kitty" and "Where is H" - sung to Frere Jacques (that was one of my ealiest ones and tought to beat.)

Where is H
Where is H
Where'd he go
Tell me so
Where did he go off to
What did he get into
Tell me so
Mommy wants to know

This originated when Mommy was in the shower and H would wander off playing - it usually worked as he would treat it like hide-n-seel and come back so I could keep an eye on him.

This morning we were doing our little "Where are the cows" ritual when we reached the main road again to turn towards H's school. It is a Red School which was handy as when we changed schools we just referred to it as H's Red School. On a side note, we drove by his "old" school the other day - not a usual occurrence as we don't often travel that road - when H noted "There's my old school!"

Anyhow, a tiny little slightly distracted voice sang from the back seat "I don't see my red school, I don't see my red school, I don't see my red school" trailing off so I didn't hear how it ended up. Hurray! It was completely on his own. He came up with the words and used the melody to sing a totally ridiculous, completely irrelevant, and absolutely nonsensical song.

He has been paying attention.   

Saying of the Day: Watch this!

Very tired tonight so only have time to eek out this little H gem. Not sure what happened to the 1 1/2 hour post I wrote last week at 3 am when my body decided it didn't want to sleep. I got a message that said none of my changes would be saved, (likely some errant key click in my awake at 3 am stupor), hit "cancel" and voila - nothing left. What???? It was a good one, too.

"Watch this" has become a new phrase in our household. Some would think it would be used for daring feats of athleticism, or stunning acts of a new accomplishments, and in some households that would be correct. Not in ours. This phrase was first uttered in its truest form when H began using the hand railing to go up and down the stairs. Yup. The hand railing. Why? Well, I imagine it had to do with a slightly offhand comment "H, look at you, you're such a big boy you are using the hand railing." This set the wheels in motion. I suppose he heard it said at school because we don't have any other kids his age around us for him to get the gist of this. Maybe this is why when he uses this phrase, it's not all really all that, if you know what I mean.

Did H use it when he discovered he could ride the skateboard head first down the driveway? Heck no. In fact, not a peep. He didn't even look my way. He simply laid on the board facing down the drive and discovered it sloped just enough to get a good smooth ride on into the grass (well wishful thinking grass more like dirt and pine needles but still fairly soft).

Did H use it when he jumped off the side of the pool? Nah. That's old hat. How about when he peddled his little heart out down the street? Nope. Every day fare for him.

Usually, little kids use it when they are showing off and want some attention to the possibly naughty and slightly dangerous activity in which they are about to engage (since he can't do it for bragging rights as he has no siblings his age).

So when exactly does he use this phrase?

"No thank you, Mommy."
"Watch this!"
"Mommy, no thank you." (Big grin)

Yes, that's right my little hellion uses it when he answers "no thank you" politely and almost 100% of the time he says this phrase immediately after and states "no thank you" again.

I don't know if I'm more disturbed that he uses it when he wants to get extra attention for being polite (a must in our household) since it seems slightly off kilter and inappropriate or that doesn't use it when he's about to do some slightly naughty and possibly dangerous feat. This would indicate to me he sees being slightly naughty and dangerous as just the regular mundane business of being a little boy....

Way to GROW!

I felt the need to update the blog photo.

H has always been on the smaller side so although we know he's growing, we don't always get those really obvious signs. We even went to the Dr. last week and he still only weighs (a very solid) 26 pounds. In the photo I was using I took last fall he is wearing six month pants (courtesy of daycare since I had forgotten extra clothes) that look like knickers. This weekend, H felt the need to wear his own brown pants that ended up looking exactly like these only THIS time they were size 18mo pants! WHOOHOO! Way to grow!

Summertime and The Facts of Life

Ah! The perfect way to spend a HOT day...digging in the dirt, for both mommy and a 2GO3 year old, and spending time in the pool (both kiddie and big pool.) I cannot honestly remember EVER going swimming on Memorial Day. It was quite hot here today. I know, I know. Everyone says wait until July and you will really understand hot but I do not understand why people move to the south where it's warm and sunny and then spend all day inside a dark house with the air conditioning going.

We had a "get out of Dodge" weekend and spent time with the grandparents in the Big D. We went to the zoo. I was a little concerned that H was not quite old enough to enjoy the zoo but it turned out he had things he really wanted to see so the day went well. We will be going back there over the years to expand the experience, I'm sure.

We also spent time at a festival in a park with several museums. It was a gorgeous day and the overall experience was balanced between interest for adults and 2GO3 year olds. I had read that the Museum of Natural Science had dinosaur bones so we talked H into going to look at the "dinosaurs." Um, well, one dinosaur later and we were pretty much left with looking at dusty faded dioramas which I always find a bit creepy. There was no particular theme to the dioramas but as it turned out H really was paying attention to them.  We walked up to one with wolves.

"Look, Mommy, that one has something. Mommy, that one has something in his mouth. It's a bunny! Why that one have a bunny, Mommy? Mommy, why that one biting the bunny?"

Uh, help me out here Grandma..."Grandma, why that one have the bunny for?"

Now, we have two blank looks for what to say at this point in the questioning. Quick quick ,what exactly do we want to get into at this point in time? Food chain? No, no not the time to begin that discussion. We haven't even talked about why we kill ants and spiders

"Mommy, why for that one biting the bunny?" Shoot, passing it off and then trying to ignore it never works with a 2GO3. "Uhhhh....He's moving the bunny H. He's just picking the bunny up and moving him to somewhere else."

"Oh." Runs over to the diorama window and back to the middle. "Look, Mommy, I movin' the bunny. There more bunny. I go get more bunny. Mommy, I move the bunny, Mommy." H flashes a wide grin of accomplishment.

"Great job!"

So, would that be the end of that subject for a while? Well, of course not. See, prior to going to the zoo, I allowed H to watch Madagascar (which he can almost say). For the life of me I couldn't think of anything that would scare him so we added it to our library of permitted videos. We don't have a lot of kids (or otherwise) videos but there are some I'm sure would scare him. I am not willing to buy a lot of videos. For some reason he doesn't want to watch Nemo which I think would be ok though I haven't seen that one in years either. I have checked out a few from the library about mechanical things but we have to order them usually so it is hit or miss.

Anyhow, we didn't get through the entire movie before our trip this weekend but it did provide a visual understanding for the big animals we might see at the zoo. He knows many animals and we have a much read book "Good Night Gorilla" that also provides a basis for the animals. H insisted on watching the movie when we got home yesterday. The rule is the movie is turned on again wherever it was turned off. We do not start over. Needless to say, I had not watched the movie in years and couldn't really remember the content....

"Daddy, daddy, why for lion sad? Why zebra sad? Why lion chase zebra? Daddy, for?"

"Well, the lion needs meat. The lion used to live in the zoo and now he doesn't. The people at the zoo used to give the lion meat. There's no one on the island to feed the lion meat."

"Meat? For?"

Silent laughing and joy at being absent at just the right moment in time.  Maybe, I need to preview Nemo again before letting H watch....

Saying of the Day: Pity Tool

Last week, H had a potty accident at school (to date just peeing as he's reserved pooping in his pants to being at home with me just before bath time...yay, mommy). The teacher mentioned he didn't have any extra underwear. I noted that's why I brought in the diapers. They pretty much said they won't put one on him anymore since he goes potty almost every 20 minutes. Ah, I could see where that might be a problem with 10 other toddlers who are same age as or younger.

So, off to the store we trotted on Saturday. We had to do some errands and a bit of other shopping (you know the small stuff like pick out a bathtub - did you know that if you order a tub that is 6" longer than standard you will have to pay 50% more - that's a lot of money for not so much more fiberglass). So, we hemmed and hawed about going to WalM or the "red" store (Tar*get). We were at the blue home store which is next to the WalM but it's generally very busy any day of the week except Sunday mornings (good to know when you live in the bible belt). We opted for ease and headed to WM. We were in search of a toilet seat, toddler toothpaste (our first tube lasted about 6 months - our second about 6 weeks - that's what happens when the user just sucks it out of the tube), and more underwear.

Is is the desire to entice your toddler to WANT to wear the underwear or the desire to make your toddler happy (and thereby suffer less tantrums, screams, whines, tempers, etc.) which drives parents to do seemingly silly things such as spend ten minutes deciding on which underwear to purchase?Ultimately we felt a little foolish standing there trying to decide if we should get the multi pack (as in more than one "character") or just go with the standby Cars or should we go with the current fascination of Toy Story? The multi pack has Monsters Inc. and Robinsons as well as Cars and Toy Story but we haven't watched the first two yet so they would have no impact. I asked for the weigh in from Daddy who just said buy one of each and he can pick which to me seems a bit overboard. I am nothing if not frugal/looking for the largest value for my dollar. Seven pairs of toddler underwear for $12 or 3 for +$5.  But do we really NEED 14 pairs of new underwear?

Okay, so we opted for the 14 but in keeping with my character, I saved half until he outgrows his current 2T so we can have some "new" ones to bring out.

This morning, I was pulling the clothes out of the dryer when H noticed the new underwear.
"Hey, what's that? What's that, Mommy?"
"New underwear, honey."
"Hey, that Buzz, Mommy. Mommy, that Buzz!"
"That Woody! That Rek! Mommy, that Rek!"
(Hmmmm, no real excitement over Lighting and Mater...)

We managed to actually get all of the clothes out before he wanted to take all of the underwear into his room and begin wearing them. First, he wanted to wear Buzz, then Woody, then Rex, then he really started to consider Lightning McQueen. He put on one pair and tried to add a second before I nixed that idea. The daycare can thank me later for that one. Ultimately, I said he had to choose and we settled on Woody for the day. As he was admiring all the choices he stated "These pity tool, Mommy."

"Yes, honey, they are pretty cool. I'm glad you like them."

Second Original Post

This was my second original post to the blog that never really made it for some unknown technological reason. No worries, I like the title to this blog better.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Need? Desire? Looking for attention in all the wrong places?

The question becomes, why blog? Before we left for our first trip to Kaz, our agency asked us if we were going to do a blog....blank stare (yes, it's possible through email to communicate complete ignorance of a subject matter without actually saying anything) to which I answered "no" and all kinds of excuses, too busy with work, not enough time to set one up, yada, yada, yada. End of subject and obvious that I knew nothing about this.

When I was a young girl I kept a diary or two and continued on as I grew older. Needless to say, they contained all kinds of special and mundane things like who I liked or my big dream (insert desire to be Olympic Horse Jumper). I have always been better able to communicate with the written word than through conversing. Something is usually lost in that trip from my brain to my mouth. I will not go into how this affects my everyday occupation!

Anyhow, after discovering adoption blogs (oddly enough JUST prior to traveling so there wasn't a huge effect or education during the waiting period), I was hooked on following people (now I know the term is lurking) through their journeys. Why? Validate my own feelings and journey? Compare the progress and trials? I'm not sure really although those things have certainly occurred. I find it a little sad that while Kaz is closed there are no new journeys to follow, no new reveals, no new pictures of back of heads, feet, hands, or surreptitious references to present and future names. Hopefully these will return. I was a little more obsessed (not stalking obsessed but maybe overly interested) with travelers who went to the same baby house right after we did to see who was adopted. Fortunately there were a few and one special guy in particular I would have taken home with me was one of those lucky few to come home.

Back to subject at hand. I have read "blogs" for my professional life and find them anything but interesting on subject matter but a wonderful use of work time when I really don't feel like doing anything and still need to be "at" and "do" work. Of course, my employer has restricted access to many sites but there are those which are interesting in a geeky sort of way and actually provide some modicum of knowledge to which I can proclaim a productive use of time. BUT....the question remains. Why blog?

Really, I think it is just a way to continue the conversation that goes on in my head all the time to no one and everyone at the same time without having to really talk out loud. Maybe someone is interested in what I say. Maybe I do have a need to know that someone, somewhere, sometime, somehow, is interested in my story. I dunno. Which is what my son says quite often even at the age of 20m - where do they learn this stuff?

Oh, and what happened to those diaries from long long ago? Well, they got read by an "ex" before he became and "ex" and I was so mad I destroyed them. However, I have no regrets. I'm pretty sure if it's important for my son to know something I did or wanted when I was a kid I will tell him and if it's a total lie he will never know.

Babe's up there....

You know how everyonone has pet names for his or her loved ones? In our house we have used various ones for H since he was a baby. I have settled on alternately using Bud or Sweetheart. I figure I can't call him "Baby" for much longer or he will disown me even before we get into his teen years....

H is becoming more aware of the world around him. He actually listens to the words spoken around him including music and television (which are limited to ones approved for him thus far about half a dozen each) but also the radio, which he often asks me to turn off when I pick him up from school, and those around him, store intercoms, conversations by others. He will occassionally ask about or repeat a word he hears when he is unsure of the meaning. He has always been keenly observant and I suspect his is still so just not overt about letting us know what he's seeing or missing or hearing. Of course, if something is amiss, a door is open, something is on the floor out of place he is still quick to tell me about it.

It's pretty rare when I get to spend time in the house in a room other than H. With hubby traveling, whenever I have to go into another room I tell H where I'm going and wait for him to acknowledge that statement. We do this more now since we have gutted our downstairs bathroom. This project was supposed to be quick (ha ha) and is now getting to the point of just being inconvenient. I lived in a house for nine years that had a bathroom upstairs or downstairs so if you had to it was always via the stairs. Now, I am finding myself mildly irritated by having to go upstairs all the time. With H in training, I have to admit it is a bit old even for him. Speaking of training, I discovered H's school used a child "seat" that sits on the regular seat for training. It seemed like a good idea. H complains about his legs sticking to his little potty (cheap version without characters or sounds of any kinds). So, we purchased a (cheap version that had generic ducks) child seat this weekend to see if that would help us get to the goal of going poop on the potty. We can now say let's go use your "big boy" potty which he likes to hear. "I go on big boy potty, Mommy!" Let me say he's been a trooper this week. He had an accident at school Thursday and one Sunday afternoon but otherwise it's been Thomas the Tank all week. So good so far. I digress.

I was upstairs doing some menial house cleaning task (accomplished usually on weekends when I have a diversion for toddler sized tag along). Apparently hubby was calling me. H was playing in the entry way (the only safe place for our toddler sized basketball hoop.) Suddenly, I hear out and out laughing.

Hubby and I don't get too mushy or cutesy with the nicknames. We have settled on one for each that is short and fits the bill 99% of the time. For some reason it's just kind of weird calling each other by name so we usually resort to no name as there is only one other adult in the household or the ascribed nickname. I use "Hon." He uses "Babe."

H has been known to call up stairs when I tell him to ask Daddy to come down for dinner "Hon, supper please!" (with accurate intonation and inflection I might add.) So, it was really funny when I heard the backstory to the laugh fest.

Hubby was calling me and when he walked into the entryway, H told him "Babe's up there!"

I have two!

Our drive to H's school, though not far from our house, takes us through more rural parts of the area. When we were looking at houses, we were astounded you get live only 8 miles and really be OUT of town. Much different that we have been used to for a long long time.

We take a "back" road that curves a few times to get to the main road on which the school is located. Almost 3/4 of this road follows a pasture. There's nothing in the pasture except a few trees, some bushes, a power station at one end, and on some days cows.

We/I entertain him/ourselves by singing silly songs for all kinds of topics. "Where Are They Cows" has become a favorite morning hit. Some days the request is to "talk" the lyrics but most days I have the ability to freestyle. I'm not sure what melody I'm using for the words but I at least remember to use the same one each time. Most days the lyrics are:
"Where are the cows?"
"Where are the cows?"
"Where are the cows?"
"Are they outside today."

The verses include: "I don't see the cows," "They must be in the barn," and often ending with some version of "They must be napping." We only have a mile or so to really get it all in and it cannot be started until we reach the field and can tell whether the cows are indeed there or not for the morning.
If they cows are out, we'll, we just do a change up to "I see the cows" as the second verse and appropriate alterations thereafter.

Friday we had a first sighting for us here in our new state. On the way home, we indeed saw the cows, they were out and I slowed down so H could see them only to be informed he COULD NOT see them as my freshly dry cleaned jacket was blocking the view. Good intentions.

But, as we slowly made our way around the 90 degree curve, we spotted a new creature. A real live solitary Texas Longhorn grazing peacefully in the pasture across the street!

From an early age, I have tried to give H various physical motions to connect to animals as a way to not only memorize them but to also communicate prior to being able to say the actual names. We have big scissoring arms for alligators, swinging arm held at the nose for an elephant, claw hands for crabs, and splayed fingers held up by our ears for moose and so on. So, H noted the "antlers" on the Longhorn with the appropriate hand motions.

"They are called horns on a cow."
"For?"
"I don't know but male cows have horns not antlers. They are called bulls."
"For?"
"The longhorn has two long horns on either side of his head."

About 30 seconds later I hear "Mom, I have two!" Two? Well, of course there had just been enough time for me to go onto some other subject in my head including watching for people speeding at me the other direction on a rather narrow rural road but I just had to turn and look at him in the back seat.

Another moment for that hidden clothing camera to capture the pure ingenuity and innocence of childhood. H was holding a sippy bottle and a stuffed mouse against his head where his "horns" should be. It nearly cracked me up to see but by jove he got it!

Talk This One

"Mommy, I want this one. Look, mommy, look."

So, now my 2GO3 understands that he can ask for and possibly (likely) receive things besides the necessities of life - food, beverage, swinging, and these days some TV time.

"H, I'm in the shower. Can you tell me what you want?"
"Car, mommy, this one."
"H, I can't see it while I'm in the shower. Can you tell me about it?"
"No. This one, see mommy?"

Once I've had the opportunity to extract myself from the shower and dry off, it turns out he wants Finn McMissile. aka Bin Msissle - or something close to that. I tell you, it's hard to try to spell these phonetically sometimes. I'm not even sure how he makes some of the words he does.

This morning, our day started in earnest. I just love the moments when he is so animated and concentrating on telling me something he can hardly make it through the words. As we made our way down the stairs this morning, he stopped and just got this look on his face as if he just discovered the secret to the world and it's very survival depended upon his ability to relate it to me. Honestly, I can't even remember what the topic was but it was of the utmost importance to him at the time. Once satisfactorily related, we continued on our way. It is moments like these that I wish I had a secret video camera built into some article of clothing so I could share the child awe and earnestness that he displays at times. I'm sure all kids do this. I know people often rue the inability to retain the energy of a child, but me, I would love to retain that certain wonder and awe the world holds and communicating it is almost more than can be accomplished at the moment in time.

What's so special about Finn? Nothing really. H doesn't even know who he is or what he does.
We've seen this character as a toy numerous times and he has shown no interest. Why now? Of that I'm not sure but he definitelly has the idea he wants one. It was the one topic of dicussion tonight on our Skype chat with Daddy in an otherwise silent but squirmy encounter.

We have Cars 2 but I didn't feel it was appropriate so he's never actually seen it. We do, however, have a book about some of the characters in Cars 2 with four line rhymes describing them and their roles in the story. Along with this book came miniatures of these characters. H doesn't really like them as the wheels don't move. He finds that disappointing. Anyhow, he has latched onto this book of late.

He looks through the pictures and when he reaches one he wants to know about he says "Mommy, talk this one." His version of asking me to read the page to him. I've had to quickly learn who these characters are so when prompted or asked for some seemingly nonsensical item, I can quickly deduce which one he is desirous of having or hearing about.

"Mommy, talk this one. Mommy, this one (he blows air out quickly a few times as if blowing off something.)"

"The Professor and his Lemon team will try to pull off a ruthless scheme. He's designed a cruel invention to blow up (GET IT???) the racers' engines." It took a time or two but both Daddy and I got the correlation and laughed about it.

"Mommy, why osseser want blow cars?"
"I don't know but he's not very nice."
"For? Why he not happy?"

Truly that is the question isn't it? When someone wants to do something "not nice," they ultimately are not happy. What's they saying? Out of the mouth of babes?

What a Difference a Year (or Two) Makes

I read this title on another blog and felt it was fairly applicable for different reasons to us as well. Last year at this time, we were really struggling with all the "what ifs" of who was going to get a job first and where that might be and what would that mean for the other person and our family, the house, the goals, the future....

Here we are one year later, voila! I got the job first and hubby's followed the week we moved. In fact, I had a truly wonderful conversation last fall with a table full of professional women who I did not know but took great delight in saying "Today I am unemployed and going to a class in South Bend, IN. I quit my job of nine years in Ohio. Tomorrow I will celebrate my son's second birthday and Monday we will begin packing up our house to move 750 miles away to Texas. My hubby is taking a new job the same week we move and will be wonderfully employed again after 20 months of not so wonderfulness." They all looked at me as if I was crazy. Apparently, they all knew each other and had been coming to this conference from Chicago for several years. "WHY ARE YOU HERE?" Why? Because I'll be too busy to get to another one for a few years and because I can!

We (hubby and I) calculate our time by our houses. We spent 2007/2008 in our NEOH house deciding on adoption and going through the trials and tribulations and ultimate inability to adopt from a different country. We spent 2009 in our SOH house doing all the paperwork and waiting for Kaz. We spent 2010 learning to live with a baby and getting to know our son. See above for prior references to 2011.

Now we are passing those annual milestones that adoptive parents mark: got the call/letter day, travel day, first time to meet you day, adoption day, leaving you day, going back to get you day, forever home day, and all the days in between them both big and small.

Two years ago at this time, we were waiting to bring H home. My mom made that trip with me. I think she got to see me at my best and my worst. More importantly she got to meet her grandson (even though he's number 4 - no girls) before anyone else in our family did.

One year later, here we are in 2012 in our NE TX house. It's beginning to feel like home. Our house in SOH finally sold (painful - we HAVE to quit moving so we can quit losing money on houses). I have a good job. My parents have been to see us a couple of times (and were unbelievably helpful with the actual moving part). My MIL has been to see us a few times. My son is doing wonderfully and amazes me everyday with what he says and understands.

"Mom why for you bring me front loader?"
"I thought you might like it. Your other digger is broken and we can't fix it. I found this one and thought you might like it."
"Oh. Thanks, mom."

He has begun developing empathy and understanding. He shows signs of desiring physical closeness and understanding physical affection. He will lovingly pat me and hold onto me, not in fear, but in actual safety, comfort, and love. His imagination is really taking off and is fun to watch. He is developing a true sense of humor and takes joy in laughter. I have always loved the sound of his laugh.

Of course, he can drive me nuts, too. How is it that a 2GO3 can already ignore their mother or have an air of exasperation?!

Some families have all out celebrations. Other have celebrations at first and eventually meld into everyday life with special moments. We have just merely enjoyed their existence quietly noting them to each other. We spent our milestone Family Day (adoption day) with each other. In our current life, that is the most special and best way to celebrate being a family. We simply spent the evening cooking, eating, playing, and just living. We will likely spend our forever home day in much the same way as it corresponds with Memorial Day weekend. Time spent with family.

No matter how much time passes or how it is spent, you can't help but ruminate on the passage of time. That's what being a family is all about isn't it? Marking milestones and remembering the past while trying to envision the future? In every life and every family, the mere passage of time will occur. Each year will make a difference. The important thing, I think, is to live it.

Big Boys and Parenting Styles

HOORAY! We have reached a milestone. H went the ENTIRE day wearing Thomas the Tank (these only had the little train pictures so he would wear them correctly and not backwards) at school. I figured it was time to try and see what happened. I packed an extra pair of shorts just to be on the safe side. I got to school at 5:15 and was truly proud to see he was still wearing the same pants and underwear from the morning.

While we have spent a number of hours doing this at home, today was no small feat as he tells me daily:
"Mommy, I go potty at school." to which he teacher says, he always tells her AFTER he's gone in his diaper.

The good side:

1) He has to be potty trained to go to the preschool he has been accepted into this fall (for reasons I'll discuss some other day).
2) No more buying two sizes of diapers decreasing our investment in Lightning McQueen Pull-ups. (He's still so skinny, during the day he wears size 3 and at night he wears size 4).
3) Have to admit little boy underwear is so stinkin' cute!
4) Maybe he will wear more underwear rather than going commando like we did tonight to the mailbox. He has discerned that at time it is not so comfortable to sit around here with a bare butt AND he definitely hates it when the dog follows him everywhere.

The bad side:

1) Pull-ups are SO EASY! Really, I don't have to worry about finding a restroom at some store or whether we have to skip a store just to get back home to go potty.
2) Really, how does one deal with a crying whining toddler who doesn't want to sit on a "big" public toilet seat in some gray boring restroom?
3) I don't REALLY need to do more laundry. I'll have to buy some more underwear. Daddy only gets his washed every two weeks - that's what happens when you travel. You stock up so you only have to wash everyday whites every other week.
4) He still hasn't gone "poop" in the potty.

While Daddy and I usually reach the same conclusion, we get there by VERY different paths on almost everything. Something about being married to an engineer.

Mommy's approach to pooping in the potty:

"H, you have to start going poop in the potty."
"Okay, Mom, Okay."

Daddy's approach (overheard later that day and not quite verbatim as I was quietly laughing and so not paying close attention):

"H, now listen to me, you are going to have to be a big boy so you can go to the big boy school. You have to start going poopee in the potty. You want to be a big boy don't you? Big boys get to do more fun things. Going poopee in the potty means you are a big boy.That's what a big boy means, doing more fun things. Don't you want to be a big boy and do more fun things?"

I don't know which made me laugh more. - listening to to the cross between baby and big boy talk or the idea that my (ok our) 2 1/2 year old needs to subscribe to doing what other kids do in order to get ahead in life....

"Mommy, big boys wear Thomas to school?"

"H you want to wear Thomas again tomorrow?"

"Uh-huh."

So, who has more input? In our world, he will do it on his own timetable in his own way just as he does everything else regardless of what we tell or ask of him. H knows the score. When going commando, he will ask for a diaper when he knows he needs to go poop. One day he will just do it. and never look back - that's just the way he rolls.

To sleep...perchance to dream

Nah. All I really wanted to do this day was to sleep just...a...little....bit....more. Forget the dreams. They interrupt the pure bliss of being unaware of the world around me.

Last week ended pretty well. With H's ability to voice his emotions about being "sad" since Daddy wasn't home, we decided to try Skyping. We had done this a few times up north early on with my folks but H didn't seem to be all that interested. So, Tuesday night, I brought my "puter" down to the kitchen and we skyped with Daddy.

"Daddy!!!"
"Daddy you're here?" as he looked quizzically at the computer screen.
"No, H, I'm still in B at the hotel."
"Oh."
"Daddy, why you not here?" Ay,there's the rub.

After a few minutes of "talking to Daddy" and saying nighty night (as we say in our house from a book that H was given by some friends) we went upstairs.

Step, step, drag feet, step step.
"Mom why you call Daddy?"
"We thought you might like to see him. Even though he's not home, we can still see him and talk to him on the computer."
"Oh."
"Did you like seeing Daddy?"
"Yeah."
Step step "Thanks, Mom."
"You're welcome, H."

Wednesday H was acting up a bit (a sign he's getting tired) so I asked if he wanted to say goodnight to Daddy. "Yeth!" so off we went to our bedroom and woke the computer up.

This time we had to see the entire hotel room before we could talk. Daddy obliged by walking around the room with the computer. Our astute son was quick to point out "There's the potty!" Ah yes, the throne. Men want to sit on it and moms just want little boys to use it. A quick nighty night and I love you to Daddy and we were off to bed. "Thanks, Mom."

So, we will plan to routinely "see/talk" to Daddy from this point forward. H doesn't really like to talk on the phone to him. He usually refuses or pouts when Daddy calls and doesn't agree to talk until I get ready to hang up. We are hoping this will assuage H's sadness and some of the Daddy guilt, too.

Daddy was such a big hit this week. Thursday night (Daddy was on his way home) as H and I were running through our bedtime routine, "Daddy take me to school tomorrow?"
"Yes, H, Daddy can take you to school tomorrow."
"Ok."
"Do you like it when Daddy takes you to school?"
"Uh-huh. I like my front loader, tooooooo."

Good to know that Daddy ranks right up there with the front loader.

Oh, and that little bit more sleep? Well, that was my true Mother's Day present. I like the flowers. The strawberries were good, but the sleep? Well, now, that's priceless.

Saying of the Day: "What For?"

"Mommy, you stop? You stop, Mommy?"
"Yes, H, I stopped."
"What for?"
"I stopped to pick the turtle up out of the road."
"What for mommy? What for you put on side of road?"
"Well, the turtle was in the road and I didn't want it to get hit by a car."
"What for?"
"Well, being in the road is very dangerous. I didn't want the turtle to get squashed."
"What for?
"Well,  a car is big and dangerous and it could squash the turtle and it would be hurt."
"What for?"
"Cars just are dangerous. That's why we don't play in the road."
"For?"
"They are big and they move fast. That makes them dangerous."
"For?"
"They just are."
"For? You stop, Mommy?"
"Yes, H, we stopped."
"For?"
"We are at a stop sign."
"For?"
We are at the corner."
"For?"
"Well, we are on our way home and we have to turn since the road ends."
"For?"
"So we can go home and feed the kitties and Piper."
"For?"

{Insert topic here quickly followed by backseat question"What for?" or simpify using the time saving version "For?"}

Dear Toddler Boys Clothes Designer

When you design little boys underwear, please remember NOT to put the BIG picture of the character on the butt. My son insists on wearing his underwear backwards so he can see it.
When you design shoes with characters, remember NOT to put the picture on the OUTSIDE of the shoe. My son insists on wearing his shoes on the opposite feet so he can see the picture all day.

Every store we enter has plenty of GIRL'S purple clothes. I have found ONE purple T-shirt. Purple can be an appropriate boy color. How about some more purple shirts. My son can dig through his shirt drawer and find his purple shirt no matter how buried it is. Did you know purple goes with EVERY color? Just ask my son any day of the week when he pairs his shirt with whatever comes out of the shorts drawer first. And yes, I have one the next size up so when this one wears out at least I will have a replacement.

When you design pants or shorts remember there's a whole plethora of skinny lanky kids out there. Please do NOT design draw string pants where the draw string is merely "decorative."

When you design sports balls pajamas, remember to INLCUDE baseballs, too. I'm not sure I can hear one more time "Mommy, where baseballs go?"

Oh, and before I go, I do want to thank you for redesigning the Lightning McQueen pullups to include Lightning on BOTH designs. I no longer have a closet full of Maters.

Sincerely,

Mom to skinny lanky sports train Cars purple lovin' boy.

Daddy's Mailbox

H is becoming more aware and more able to convey his feelings verbally every day. That is a pretty good thing. It helps that he now can tell us "I feel better, mommy" enthusiatically after eating. He can recognize when he feels "not right" and can help us on the path to discovering ways to deal with those moments.

H has a set of little balls that came with a three tiered switch back track. There was a wonderful thrift store close to our house in OH that often had great and "older" toys. I got GREAT things there and we have more to pull out over the next couple of years. However, a few of these balls have faces on them: happy, surprise, mad/angry, and one I'm not sure what to label. Anyhow, I have been working with H to mimic faces. Our favorite of course is "surprise!" This allows him to associate facial expressions with feelings and can help him learn to "read" other people better. I'm not sure I would have thought much about this but for two things. First, as a step-mom to a child who doesn't read facial expressions well if at all, it's become important. Second, I read not so long ago that sometimes you have to teach a child to look at someone's face (or something along those lines - can't remember exactly now.) Besides, we are having fun mimicing faces back and forth and H now makes his own faces to me and states his desired emotions at random (overwhelming majority is "surprise" with a few few "happy" thrown in for good measure.)

We are also learning that it's possible to have more than one feeling at a time. Case in point, one of our cats wandered off a few weeks ago (again.) He/cat did this after Christmas and we made a point of telling H "Mommy and Daddy were sad because Howie wasn't home." So this time, sometimes out of the blue, H says "Mommy sad?" I tell him, no, I'm not sad but then I have to stop and think about it because it's usually while I am doing some rather inane activity such as driving to or from his school. I realize he's talking about Howie and when asked he confirms it. So, we discuss the ability to be both sad and happy at the same time over different things.

Tonight, H was having a particularly whiny cry"ey" evening outside playing which is a bit unusual. It's getting quite warm here and we still like to be outside quite a bit which he usually enjoys.

Side bar here, yesterday my son was SO STINKING CUTE he could have been a catalog picture. It's true, he was dressed in gray cotton pull on pants with a dark blue and gray tank top and a dark blue and white flowered hat he was willing to wear instead of a baseball hat since it was so bright outside. He was MATCHING! And, of course, he was running around lovin' life but of course by the time I thought I could go get a camera, he was off digging in the dirt. C'est la vie! Needless to say every bit of him needed a bath from that point on until he actually received one last night.

Back to the point of the post. I finally asked "H, are you sad?"
"Yes, Mommy, yes."
"H why are you sad?" (cry sniffle whine)
"H are you sad because Daddy had to go to the airport?"
"Yes, mommy." (sniffle sniffle cry)
Heart breaking....

See, lately, it's becoming more apparent that H realizes Daddy is gone during the week. He knows where he is and where he's staying but up to the last few weeks, it hasn't really seemed to register as a problem but more of a fact of the situation. H has started throwing "mini" fits when Daddy calls and refuses to talk to him. H sometimes has a major meltdown when Daddy heads to his car without him - even if it's just to put it back in the driveway after parking along the street.

So, I was quite proud when Daddy called later in the evening while we were on the couch reading a book. "H you want to talk to Daddy?" "Uh-huh."

First thing he said:  "I sad Daddy not here."

Daddy's heart breaking...."Yes, it makes me sad, too. I miss you."
"I wuv you Daddy." "I love you, too, H."

(And then note that the conversation is now over. H has said his piece and now the world can go on which means he's done talking on the phone - I seriously doubt he will talk on the phone for hours with friends.)

H has taking to turning on his "puter" at night and sitting at his table made by his Daddy on a stool with his name on it. He "works" diligently typing away at his "puter" before we go to bed. Yes, he's imitating Daddy who spends much time typing on his computer.

So, tonight, when H said he wanted to turn his "puter" on, I said "we can send Daddy an email telling him you love him." "Okay, okay, Mommy, okay. I send sumthin' to Daddy's mailbox."