As parents of kids from orphanages know, children do not have their own things so the attachment phase can be delayed if it is achieved at all. H did not have a particular attachment to any one thing for quite a while. I had purchased some stuffed animals that I had hoped he would want to sleep and cuddle with but nothing really stuck with him as the ONE. In fact his first toy he actually wanted to sleep with came from his first day care. I think they thought I was a heartless mom because my child didn't bring his favorite toy for nap everyday. It was because he didn't have the ONE. So they gave him one. He did have a things for balls for a while. We have a picture of him in his crib (before he was 2) when everything was a "ball" and the world revolved around balls including pajamas and whatever he could throw into his crib - soft soccer ball, small bouncy balls (the special 3 for the price of two kind found at the local discount store bought while needing toys on a long road trip), larger bouncy ball, and the full size 15 year old basketball.
What? Your kid didn't sleep surrounded by 12 balls including a used full sized basketball? Huh.
Throughout our adoption journey, which was longer than some and shorter than others but not without many crises both big and small, one family friend really followed and supported us. When we first began the trip no one knew - not even close family and friends as it was/is not in my nature to be freely open with my personal life. However, we needed SOMEONE who knew BOTH of us to vouch for us as human beings and possible parents - just one of those paperwork requirements adoptive parents are too familiar with and become part of the packet you carry around religiously until one day the realization sets in - after you arrive home - that the reason you feel like you are missing something is your dossier is no longer needed at any second for updating, copying, redoing, managing, reminding.
As we had few friends that knew BOTH of us, we asked this couple to vouch for us. They were brought into our world, followed us through the years of ups and downs, a major move which they ultimately shared in, and were thus able to rejoice in person with us when H finally came home. They were present at home cooked dinners with a baby (oddly that was not a highly sought after invitation in our older parent world and without family close by we had few opportunities to relate to adults and share our family life, too,) and were last seen in person at the farewell/second birthday party before our last major move - they had their own not long after - but H asks about "those people" in the pictures and sometimes even mimics the smack Uncle Bill makes upon finishing his drink not realizing who taught him.
Anyway, H went through phases but he did not really latched onto the ONE thing until he received a gift one Christmas after we moved to NETX. A package arrived and H was ecstatic. Paper was removed and several items were revealed but the one of most importance was a blanket. That really did it. H had baby blankets but he could take or leave them for the most part and they were quite small. This was a bright blue Elm*o and Friends throw sized blanket which he became enthralled with for its softness. From that day, we did not go without E.
The blanket has been slept on, dragged around, stuffed into all kinds of places, chewed on, sneezed on, cried on, washed innumerable times and has more road trips and frequent flier miles than most people I know. Tragedy was averted when one of the dad's from pre-school accidentally took it home for three days! It was returned and all was right with the world. It has been the supportive member through a journey in life just as the giver had been at the beginning of our quest to become a family.
We have moved far away and the blanket is sometimes left behind for a different blanket as the recipient grows up. However, tonight I pay homage for the giver of the blanket - figurative blankets of support, friendship, laughter, mothering advice, and caring - as well as the literal. Thank yous, although previously given, are never adequate to acknowledge the immense importance of the contributions. Our family would indeed be very different without them.
Thank you Aunt Joyce, rest in peace, from all of us.
