We are officially into the preschool years. After three days celebration, a box of way too many neon icing covered cupcakes half of which we pawned off at his school, and more Hello Kitty rings than I know what to do with, H is now three.
Mommy! Mommy! I want to show you! Look! (as he holds up three fingers)
H is the apple of his teacher's eye wherever he goes. His new school is terrific. His teacher loves him, the gym teacher loves him, the after school teacher loves him, even the teacher we met before school started that isn't his teacher loves him.
"He is so sweet!"
Maybe that's partly because he doesn't have the influence of older siblings which we are now being subjected to via exposure at school with not so nice phrases, tones, attitudes, and flicking. Yes, my three year old had to demonstrate on me that he can "flick!" Only this is a flick free zone....he doesn't quite get that but once he's been subjected to some serious flicking maybe he will appreciate the oasis that we have set up here.
So, as he grows and becomes more cognizant, I have a difficult internal struggle which is really starting to surface. My son is HAPPY!
He wakes up in the morning: "Mommy, I'm happy!"
In the afternoon: "Mommy, I'm happy!"
In the evening: "Mommy, I'm happy! I'm happy Mommy!"
All of this said with the cutest dimpled grin you can imagine and bright twinkling eyes just wanting to show me the world is his oyster.
So, why the dilemma? H is blissfully unaware of the complex world in which he has been placed.
Digression for cuteness:
H: Mommy, what is S's Mommy's name?
Me: I don't know, H. Maybe it's Mommy?
H: No, that's your name!
His class already had an "All About Me" unit the first week of school and it included the makeup of his family. His was just two parents which isn't quite accurate but we didn't feel the need to correct it at this point. He has step-siblings one of which he knows, one of which he's seen pictures and we talk about, and one of which he will only likely meet once in his lifetime....
I was a little disturbed in my being but not really sure how to describe it when I read a line from this blog that really hits home for me:
“It is because I have been involuntarily been put into a world of complex issues at a very young age.”
http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/adoption-domestic-adoption-international-adoption-embryo-adoption-foster-care-adoption/hating-adoption-loving-life-familyies/
Adoption is a messy and complex process no matter how you view itor how it was accomplished . In my family alone we have private domestic open adoption, foster adoption from not good circumstances, and international adoption circumstances unknown. There's the (regardless of right or wrong viewpoints) Primal Wound view, the "saved and lucky" view, the "head in the sand view, and the "just trying to muddle through" view.
The problem is, we, his family whom he loves dearly and knows he is loved, will have to introduce him to the world that is his. There's no way to know in looking to the future exactly how he will feel about adoption no matter how successfully we approach it. We will do our best to muddle through. However, it truly breaks my heart to know that we, his loved Mommy and Daddy, will have to introduce this happy wonderful person to a very complex world at a very very young age.
I can help with boo boos, scratches, disappointments, mean kids, tough assignments, sports losses, even the losing of friends and pets. I cannot ever fix the fact that his lifestory will be complex.
It makes me want to cry.
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