Resilience

H has never had trouble sleeping through the night. Getting to sleep? Well, that's another story. The first week he was home, he was off time schedule by a half day. I slept in his room on the floor. He would occasionally wake up and groggily make noise until I told him it was ok. Once he got his days and nights straightened out, though, things took a definite downhill turn. H would NOT go to sleep as long as we were with him. In the early days he would scream and cry. No whimpering for my boy but out and out screaming crying. I would rock him, I would hold him, I would sing to him, He would squirm and fight and cry. You are told to try and bond with your child - rubbing, lotion, warm baths, snuggling, rocking, all those things help soothe and attach..well not in our case.

We knew sleep was important. We knew that you weren't supposed to just let your child scream. H didn't know that though and it was tough. We finally had to just resort to putting him down, sitting quietly by his crib for a few minutes or 20 minutes (or longer if I fell asleep long before he did.) It was hard. Man it was hard. We had an unofficial time frame of no going back in for about 20 -25 minutes. Usually when you thought you couldn't take it anymore and he really wasn't going to go to sleep, he would drop off. I'm not sure if it was exhaustion or resignation that we weren't going to keep playing with him but he usually got there.

Our nap routine was similar: put him down, let him scream, hold out hope that it would end shortly, and on the occasion that it didn't, you just give up the good fight and go get him (and pay the consequences for a very tired baby.)

There were odd moments out that H would actually fall asleep during some activity, a night time bottle, a car ride, or a ride in the stroller. Whenever that happens, your only resort is to just let him sleep if at all possible in the position in which he fell asleep. If you attempt to move him, he wakes and screams. He's now had just enough sleep to NOT go back to sleep and not quite enough to have made him feel less tired. If you have to move him, well, you still get the scream fest so as I read not too long ago: don't try to make a happy baby happier....

I am not sure if part of the sleep issues was the unfamiliarity of having someone hold him and be so attentive to him while he was trying to go to sleep or not. It makes sense given the orphanages don't rock the babies to sleep or just carry them around until they fall asleep. No, they are put down at the requisite sleep time and have to learn to settle themselves. The caretakers wouldn't let anyone scream endlessly that we heard but they didn't have the time or the numbers to really settle the babies down individually.

The schedule at the baby house was/is as follows:
6:00  Wake, change babies, bottle of kefir
Back to sleep
9:00 Bathe, change diaper
9:30 Breakfast consisting of bottle, cereal with boiled egg, juice/tea
11:00 Nap
1:00 Lunch consisting of cereal, mashed potato, cottage cheese.  All food pureed or ground.
2:00 Nap
4:00  Wake
4:30 Snack consisting of formula, pureed fruit, baby food from jar
7:00 Dinner consisting of any cereal, porridge, or formula
8:00 Bath
9-9:30 Bed
12:00am Formula with cereal

So, you will notice that the most sleep he got when he was very young was six hours. I think the babies usually settled down pretty quickly because they were exhausted!

Of course, things have evolved as H grows older. H began screaming less and less. I began staying shorter and shorter periods of time in his room. Now, our bedtime routine rarely consists of screaming any more. In fact, he has taken to chanting: "eat supper, take a bath, go to bed!"On the flip side, he has ALSO developed other methods of staying awake. He will SQUIRM! He rolls his whole body around on his bed until eventually he's so tired it becomes a hand or a foot that's moving. If you are in the room it's a constant prattle of oddball questions or statements (such as his litany of "I like....") He also has a new tactic that usually entails being unable to locate some object du jour that he has decided to sleep with that night. He will drop it when he lays down and comes to the gate telling me he can't see it. The alternative is he will fall asleep, lose his grip, and wake up enough to realize it's no longer in his hand then come to the gate crying about (fill in the blank.anything ranging from a stuffed animal to a toy car to shoes to .....) Lately with our new friend "Boy" H is constantly pulling Boy's pants down around his ankles which causes H to get upset because he can't pull them back up so we get the gate routine.

After we moved south, H decided he didn't want to sleep in his crib. AHA! I took off the side and it became a toddler bed - all set. Ummm...well, not so much. H refuses to sleep in his physical bed. We tried putting on cute sheets Snoopy sheets with all kinds of balls, laying next to him, cajoling, bribing, putting the mattress on the floor, a different toddler bed. Finally we just accepted the fact that he prefers to sleep on the floor. I have a small special blanket I use that I can easily wash for his "bed." The irony is he loves to play on his real bed - just not sleep in it. Honestly, with all the stuff he sleeps with it's probably better  he doesn't sleep in it or we'd hear him telling us something fell off the bed all night, he can't see it, and start crying. It has also made traveling a little easier this way. We don't have to worry about an extra bed.

The screaming still comes into play during weekend naps and there's just not much to be done about that. He will have to continue to outgrow this. We've never been told that he has trouble sleeping at daycare during naptime so I'm sure it's just because he's home with us.

The long discourse on H's sleeping evolution all comes down to last night. It's hard to imagine what goes on in a 2GO3 mind. Last night H woke up crying after a nightmare. This is a rare occurrence but it is distinctly the second time that he's woken up from a nightmare about a "bite." The first middle of the night occurrence was a spider bite. I REALLY thought a live spider had bitten him he was screaming so intensely. H does have a fascination with things biting him....gotta be a boy thing?

Anyway, he woke up screaming - a normal decibel middle of the night scream - and I quickly deduced he had had a nightmare and was able to confirm this as well although I never did figure out what exactly he dreamed had bitten him. He asked me to lay down with him so I did until he settled in. A good 15-20 minutes of flopping around and I told him I was going back to bed. Well, he woke up a couple of more times before finally crashing into his usual "dead-to-the-world" sleep. I anticipated a rough, crying, whining, tired morning.

However, right on schedule (much to my chagrin as I would have like to have slept in a bit)

"Mommy!" (whimper whimper) "I wake up!" (whine whine)

"Ok H, you can wake up." (groggy groggy)

A brief pause....

"Mommy!" (Cheerful and happy???)

"What Santa Claus do?"

Originality

So after H telling me he "likes poop! It's yucky!" last night, I didn't tell you that for the next minute or so he stood as close as I would let him to the litter box and commented every time I scooped...big poop, little poop, big poop. big poop, little poop. Or course this was dependent on the size of the litter ball and poop on the scooper. Well, at least I know he's learning size differentiation!

Our usual in the door routine is set our items down, gather the pet bowls, fill the bowls with food, and feed the cats in this order 1) Howie, 2) Forte, 3) WillHe (in a separate room.) Most days he is happy to help me gather the bowls and get the container out of the lower cabinet. Occasionally, he says he doesn't want to help but I'll have him do a little task and then he'll want to help with the rest. This was one such night. He didn't want to help me feed the cats. He wanted to play in the middle of the kitchen floor. So, I asked him if he would help me get the bowls. "No, mommy already feed the cats." "No, H I didn't feed the cats. Their bowls are right here. Would you help me get the container out of the cupboard?" "Ok, okay Mommy." And then he does a little boy move which cracks me up every single time. What is it about little boys that they have this funny full of themselves way of walking that is a little like the beginning of a breakdance, not quite getting there turns into a pimp walk, with feet slightly dragging, all the while looking incredibly laid back???? It's so hilarious and impossible to describe. I know I'll never get it on video but if you have a little boy, I gather you've encountered the same movements. I've seen my oldest step-son (well into adulthood) and two of my nephews move the exact same way! I try so hard not to laugh.

Sometimes H and I go "shopping" which mostly means I just need time out of the house and we will hit a store (not a lot to choose from around here) and wander around. He is fine with that as long as he gets to look at the sports equipment and toys. We spend a significant amount of time just slowly moving down the aisles while he asks to see certain things. It is 99.99% of the time prefaced with "Yes, you can see it but we aren't going to take it home." He does pretty well with the concept overall. Anyhow, on one of our time killing shopping jaunts, he wanted to see several of the girls toys and dolls. This got me to thinking maybe I needed to expand his toy horizon a bit. We are well covered with cars, trucks, buses, trains, balls, etc. partly because he's so interested and partly because he has older brothers who were also well stocked. I didn't see any dolls that might work well for a boy - too "dolled" up, a bit over priced, and very plastic was all they had in the store. So, when we returned home and H finally got to sleep, I settled in for a little mommy research time on the Internet. I have discovered I am so thankful for the Internet living here! I have routinely shopped for things online for years but here it's become a necessity. I wound up reading about various people's viewpoints on why they gave a boy a doll. I wasn't interested in a "baby" doll but wanted something made out of cloth, preferably washable, and something that looked like him. I found two real choices. This week I finally ordered the less expensive of the two. If he doesn't play with it I haven't spent a fortune and if he does play with it I haven't spent a fortune. The doll came this week, along with some truck and popup books (just as an aside I order used whenever it makes sense) for later. I set the doll on the counter for a few days. Tonight he finally saw it and said "I want it. Mine." Ah, true toddler through and through. He played with it a bit and as we were getting ready for bed, I asked about it. He stated he wanted it. He kept saying "I have a boy!" "My boy!" "Little boy go to school?" "No, honey, he can't go to school but we can take him in the car and he will wait for you until I pick you up." "Ok."

As we were saying our good nights and giving "big squeeze, little squeeze" over the baby/dog gate, I mentioned we could name the boy. "H, what do you want to name him?" Deep thoughtful look for a few seconds, clearly contemplating the possibilities, as I eagerly awaited the response.

"Boy."

Saying of the Day: I Like...

As I've noted before, H has a litany of "I like....." phrases that do not always have a cohesive thought process other than that appears to be what he is thinking about at the moment. If only one could do a serious word association exercise with a 2GO3 kid, maybe we could comprehend and parent better. We have enjoyed some incredible weather here of late. H has taken full advantage of day light savings time to want to go outside after school and some "down" time watching Cars. We have taken to going for a bike ride down the street to look at the various trucks, trailers, and mowers that invariably appear on our walk to the end of our street. We pass the "neighbor's" house - an all encompassing term for all the houses in our neighborhood. "Mommy, what neighbors do?" Our trip is halfway complete when he reaches the house at the end of the street to examine the latest truck or trailer that is always parked then and then turns to face the newest house across street. He examines the smallest rocks possible, asks me to point (a new activity recently acquired I believe from the current daycare although it's meaning has yet to be determined as sometimes I get to keep the rock and other times it is the he throws down) puts a few in his basket on the back of his bike, and says he needs to "play there." This of course means he must walk approximately 6 feet onto the smooth perfect cement driveway and spin - uncontrolled, unabashed, completely joyful spin. He doesn't say a word. He will stop briefly and begin again off and on for a few minutes and then we are on our return trip.

Fortunately, we live on the bottom of a "U" street that is only four houses long. It is easy to see all vehicles coming so we mosey our way down the street and meander as quickly as H dictates the street, H on his "bike" (tricycle) and me with crazy dog on a leash of some kind. We have been working on H understanding the world around him as best as he can and try to install some basic safety habits. "H, what do we do at a red light?" "Stop!" "What does green light mean?" "GO!"The last couple of days we have to stop every few feet (no more than 4 on average and quite often only 2) for a "red light." Needless to say, the trip can take a while at this pace.

Unfortunately it has been raining heavily all day today. We of course need the rain but we appear to be gaining another moat and the rain is cutting into our plans to do some major clearing of our overgown yard. To counter the rain, we stopped at the Burger King close to his daycare. Hubby pointed out to me just last Friday that they, too, had a play area. Thank goodness an alternative to the horrificly loud single play area McDonalds. I visit with a friend while he plays and you cannnot have a conversation with the person sitting two feet away due to the noise and accoustics.

On the flip side, the Burger King had a huge little kid habitrail contraption and NOT ONE SOUL was in the play area. Actually there was only one table with people in it in the restaurant area. Granted, the particular one is really part of a larger gas station/convenient store but NO KIDS? As it turns out, H wasn't really able to play here. He didn't have any big kids to show him how to climg to the top of the habitrail and crawl around through the tubes and down through the slides. He has wanted to at McD's but the levels are too high for him to climb. At BK, it was perfect for him, but he made it up to level three (two from the top) and started crying out of real fear. So, mom had to roll under the levels - literally - to reach him and bring him back down. Too bad as I know he would have followed the big kids if they were around.

Once home, we retired to our respective duties - feeding animals, changing clothes, watching Cars. H will come look for me if he feels I have left him downstairs too long and tonight was no exception. About 15 minutes into our duties, H came sauntering upstairs.

"What doin' Mommy?"
"Mommy has to clean out the litter box."
"See! I want to see!"
"You can watch but you can't touch anything, you understand?"
"Ok."
"I like poop!"
"It's yucky!"

Saying of the Day: We Have Oooooone

Sometimes the hardest thing to do as a parent of a toddler 2 going on 3 is to NOT laugh at the wrong moment. As in not laugh at the moment that your toddler is doing that which you don't want to be seen as getting attention which will be added to the toddler rolodex of attention getting behaviors that parents do not want to encourage.

Everyday when I pick up H from school he has a snack. This has been going on since we put him in his second day care at 17 months. He plays so hard and is so active that the afternoon snack at 2:30 is never enough to keep him from having a meltdown on the way home. The trip from that daycare to the house was less than a mile but if we didn't have a snack and a drink immediately after getting into the car, H would scream/cry the entire way home. You can imagine how loooong that mile was when this occurred. We have eventually settled on an everyday basic snack of "gummies" those mushy fruit flavored gel type snacks one can get in a BIG box at Sam's Club. This is H's favorite store by the way. He knows Sam's every time we pass it. "There's Sam's, Mommy, there's Sam's!!!" I was talking with a friend just today and think the first thing he will truly be able to identify as a word is in fact going to be "Sam's."

Anyhow, the last couple of days I had forgotten to put in more gummies in the car. This does not sit well but at this point any snack is usually accepted as there are always other choices: beef sticks, power bars, granola bars, nutrigrain bars, and if I've come directly from home I'll have fresh cut fruit in a bowl, too. So, this morning, I finally remembered to shove a few packages of gummies in my purse as we headed out the door. I would have preferred to just carry them but with my purse, a toddler backpack, a toddler lunch bag, and whatever else he or I need/desire to carry at the moment, I just don't have enough hands. H has always been a "bag" boy. He loves his bags. When the new daycare required a backpack, H was in heaven as he now had TWO bags to carry (or to give to me to carry on his off days - everyday). As an aside, I tried to leave the backpack at the daycare since it only holds his extra two sets of clothing. His room teacher even tried to help me, but nope. H was not leaving it behind.

Our pickup routine consists of getting into the car, H finds the gummies (no longer kept neatly in a bag with other treats and toys as he has to dump that bag out everytime he gets into the car) in my car which looks like someone is living in it that eats in it and leaves crumbs, wrappers, kleenex, toys, bags (those are just H's things) and shoes, bags (for groceries which I never remember to take into the store with me), junk mail which hasn't hit the recycle yet, and whatever else I might have in my car....gets into the seat and proceeds to open the package - mostly succesfully - by ripping off one corner, handing it to me, and then starts to eat the rest while I buckle him up, shut the door, reenter, start the motor and head off to our destination. Once H finishes said gummy pack, he says "Here, Mommy!" I have to take it while I am driving or he will not quit saying "Here, Mommy!"

So today, a second snack request was for a beef stick which I declined to give him as we didn't have any water in the car and beef sticks can get spicy. Imagine driving SIX miles with a crying/whining toddler who has eaten an unexpectedly spicy food item.....so no, a decline was made. Then it came. His moment of expression for his true desire.

"I want a sucker."

Honestly, it was a matter of fact statement, normal voice volume, and polite.

"No, honey, we don't have any suckers."

"Oh."

Silence...........then a small little plaintive voice came from the back seat......"We have oooone (while holding up one finger).................................silence.............................then a smaller and even more pathetic small voice said "in the bag"................................................."

Of course I had meant we didn't have any in the car but being the true toddler who keeps track of all things HIS, he knew exactly where there was indeed a sucker. In our case, this means a small plastic baggy in our snack cupboard that holds the candy he has received from various parties at the previous daycare. We do indeed have a sucker left over from Valentine's Day - in fact we have a couple but I didn't feel the need to remind him of that at the time. The tiny little plaintive voice and the delayed response caught me off guard and it was so stinking cute! I couldn't help myself.

"You mean at home?" "Yeth" came back the tiny quiet plaintive little boy voice.

If I had had a horrible rotten terrible day, that moment would have lifted all the clouds away.

Oh, and for the record, he forgot about the sucker the moment we hit the driveway and he wanted to watch Cars. So instead we had apples and juice until he recouped and went outside to play in the wonderful 80 degree weather for an hour.

Saying of the Day: Good Job

This morning started off a little delayed as well. H actually slept REALLY well last night. I was so glad as he was tired to the point last night of asking me to go into the other room. That NEVER happens (well ok so it has now happened once and only once.) This morning while getting ready, H started to throw a little fit about something really minor - can't even remember the details of it now. We usually have a "discussion" about he's not listening and we expect him to behave. During this "discussion" he starts tearily saying "I wanna behaaaaaaaave!" This morning, I mentioned that he wasn't listening and that he needed to behave to get ___________ or do ___________. If he wasn't going to do this then he would likely be in trouble. His response?
"Mommy, I no wanna into trouble." Ahhhhhh, good to know.

After his slight melt down and subsequent recovery we ended up getting dressed. He is expected to and able to get his own clothes out for the day. To keep things simple enough and partly because he has no other choice right now as he is still as skinny as can be, we have pull on type track pants and long or short sleeved Tshirts. These may or may not match given his choice of the day. He has "big boy" pants but these currently do not fit him - and he may never wear the 24mo and 2T pants we have as the will not stay up - before he outgrows their length. I recently discovered that when you live somewhere the spring begins in February, the stores DON"T SELL PANTS as of February. Seriously, I stopped by Walmart to pick up a couple more pairs of Garanimal track pants because they fit him and are inexpensive yet wash well and that very day, all that was available was shorts. KMart, Target, Kohls, Dillards, (I didn't try Children's Place since I gave up at this point) each had one pair of regular jeans which he cannot wear as they won't stay up even with tabs and SHORTS. I figure if I can make the three pairs he has work well enough and take a tuck in the other two, he can survive as long as I religiously do laundry. I suppose he will wear shorts this summer but the other day it was so NICE outside (not in the triple digits mind you) and the daycare (and almost every other building I walked into including my office) were freezing since the AC was now on. I'm afraid he will be cold. At least with shorts he can wear a smaller size and not look like he has on knickers and won't keep trying to pull his pant legs down.

So...this morning he came in with his track pants and Tshirt. I help him put his shirt over his head and then we work on the pants. "H put your foot all the way through. Ok now the other, left foot, put it all the way through. Good, now pull up your pants." "Too hard, Mommy. Too hard to do." "You want some help?" "Yeth, yeth Mommy." "Okay, here you go, all set."

"Good job! Good job, Mommy!"
"Good job for pulling up your pants?"
"Yeth!"

So nice to be recognized for a job well done.

Saying of the Day and Hooray for Daylight Savings

"What cars doin' mommy?
"I don't know H. What are the cars doing?"
"Bein' cars."

After a late night last night with a couple of coughing episodes brought on by some (I'm pretty sure) allergies, H slept in this morning. There are very few moments that are worth it to wake him up earlier than he is ready to wake up and function for the day. H has a habit of waking up and seeing that I'm not there, rushing to the door with the gate (to keep dog and cats out not so much to keep him in) and crying "I wake up Mommy!"

In all my momminess, I try to gage whether he is actually ready to wake up or whether he has just gotten up because I wasn't there. When it is the latter, I convince him it's too early and he should go back to bed. By convincing, I mean I lay in bed and groggily tell him it's too early. He cries a bit back and forth about wanting to wake up but will usually go back, lay down, and promptly fall back asleep for a while. I can then lay in bed (I can't get up because I might wakeh him up early and then the morning it toast) and wait for his chipper "I wake up Mommy" moment which tells me he really is ready to wake up.

So, we were not on time for anything this morning due to night time interruptions. At the daycare I must have had a resigned to being out of whack today look on my face. The director said all the parents today had the same "DST" look! Fortunately H seemed to not have been too far off schedule today. He was chipper and eager to see me at the end of the day when I picked him up. It was a gorgeous day outside. The sky cleared (which was a relief as we had a moat around our yard for all of yesterday from all the much needed rain - there are no drainage pipes just concave ditches to let the water flow down except in our case we are the down end and there is no where else to go until it gets soaked into the ground eventually), it was mid 60's, and not breezy.

So, after our getting home duties of feeding the pets and a little down time on H's part - watching Cars from the point the tractors stampeded through town to the end, I convinced him to go outside to play with us (me and our crazy - as in drive me crazy - dog).

In an effort to take said dog for at least some kind of walk, we actually got his bike (tricycle) out and "rode" it down the driveway and partway to the corner. By riding, I mean I pushed him up the slight incline that is our street to the street corner where he abandoned it. He can pedal and does so really well when he is going down the incline. He is not so skilled at going up yet. I really wished I would have sprung for one of those trikes that has the push handle on it some days....Anyhow, after turning down his request to bring out the wagon, I convinced him to walk to the end of the block (three houses) with said dog. He readily agreed when he saw a landscaper's truck and trailer two houses down. Trucks and trailers (of which there are more than you can shake a stick at here in NE TX) are a thing of beauty to him. We had a guy come mow and clean up the lawn (not having done so since moving in last fall) and H fell in love with this guy's "pretty" red truck. He was bummed when the guy left and took his truck with him. Side note, H also called my red roses I got for VDay pretty so at least he has a broad category for that word.

We made it all the way down the block, checked out the neighbor's trailer, too, and managed to occupy our time with sticks and rocks along the road for a leisurely stroll back to our house. H was so cute. He was willing to hold my hand most of the way when not looking for little rocks along the road. It was so nice out we stayed outside and wrote with sidewalk chalk, threw the tennis ball and kicked the soccer ball for crazy dog who was well behaved and didn't take off on her own, and generally had a great time out of doors. Upon querying if H was hungry, we reluctantly decided to go inside for supper.

The best part of the evening? Our bedtime conversation.

"H, thank you for playing outside with me. I had fun."

"I had fun, too, Mommy."

Hooray for DST!

2GO3 Saying of the Day

"H where did Daddy go this week?"

"I don't know."

"Did you forget where Daddy went this week?"

"Yeah." "I lost Daddy!"

Funny Stuff

I came across this blog tonight while reading another funny mom blogger. Apparently this mom blogger is rather famous but I will add she is also quite funny. I like funny. I often have a different sense of funny though and do not understand most jokes. I DO get funny if it's written down in story form with lots of asides and insights. This one is the ticket to tickle my funny bone. I hope you enjoy it, too.

http://mom2my6pack.blogspot.com/

Forgiveness

When we moved here, we had to find a new daycare. H was used to being in daycare all day but it was important to us to find somewhere that we felt was a good fit for him. We visited a few places prior to moving and decided on one that on that initially fit the bill. We visited twice with him before leaving him. It took a period of adjustment but overall he appeared to be doing ok after about a week or so.

I can say now that it has not gone as I had hoped for a couple of reasons.

First, I became overwhelmed with the sense of chaos that pervaded every time I picked him up or dropped him off. There seemed to be an endless stream of children going and coming and it was extremely loud. I don't know if this bothered him but it certainly made me limit my time in the building.

Second, the bigger issue was and is and will be anywhere we go that is a business, is the state staffing maximums. In Ohio, the limit was 7 2 year olds to one person. In Texas, it's 11! For some reason this state allows almost twice as many 2yo for one person to handle by themselves. I find this to be incredibly ridiculous. I have trouble at times with one 2yo...I can't imagine ELEVEN alternately laughing, running, squirming, crying, whining, pouting, tantrum throwing, quiet, tired, hungry, wet 2 year olds all at once. Yet, the state says this is fine so of course all the daycares staff to the maximum.

I had some other issues come up with the daycare and the workings but will save that for another day (maybe). Anyhow, the room "mom" or grandmotherly type in his case was very nice. We explained H's background and spent time with her and him and the class. It always worked best at his last daycare to "hand him off" physically to someone and not just let him enter and find his own way. P got this, I think, so everyday I would hand her to him and he would willingly go to her no fussing, no crying. Over time, it became clear that H was a favorite of P's.

This is not unusual. H has been a favorite in his previous daycares as well. Indeed, his first daycare caretaker freaked me out. She would say "I love you" all the time to him. I might not have found that so objectionable had I had physical custody of him for more than 3 three months at the time! It was apparent, she would spoil him and hold him more and maybe give him more attention but it was a very small place and designed for kids up to the age of 18 months so it wasn't to the exclusion of other children. It certainly didn't do him any harm. I came to deal with it the best that I could.

Our second daycare, he found multiple caretakers who would give him special attention and perhaps spoil him a bit more and pick him up more. By this time, I had come to accept that it was ok as it was a much larger place with many more people moving in and out of his life during the day. As long as we were able to do the morning hand off -- sometimes he had preferences especially when he aged into the next room -- things went well.

Anyway, P took H under her wing more as a grandson than just another cute kid at the daycare. The more I got to know her, the more the special attention showed. He would drink from her tea during the day, follow her around and be her "helper," and sit in her lap whenever he could get away with it. She even mentioned to me that once she had to reprimand him for walking up to another kid and whacking him...completely unprovoked (read into that adult envy... who doesn't want to do that at times?) After she scolded him, she went over to him at nap to console him and check on him because she felt so bad for having to do it! Fortunately for us, P would also babysit outside of daycare. The first time we had to go out for an evening, I stressed over this for a week. I was sorely hoping that he would not cry when we left. H had never been left with someone outside of family before in his own home.

Fortunately, the evening went extremely well. P came and by the time H took her upstairs to his room, he didn't even realize we left the house...yeah, maybe I should have been bothered by that but I was so happy he hadn't cried one peep while we were gone. P sat for us a couple more times and it was the same. She arrived, he took her upstairs and became oblivious to the rest of the house.

Well, this seems like a long post to get to the point. So here begins the tale for the title. As it turns out, P wasn't happy working at this particular center. We went to school on a Monday and no P in the morning and no P later in the day. Ok, not so unusual, people get sick or something really important comes up. Second day, no P - Valentine's Day - now I knew something was up. Both days the director was there instead. No "hand off," no happy camper, and questions from H "Where P go?"

I received a voice mail message from P that evening letting me know that she had taken a position elsewhere in another field and was sorry for not telling us ahead of time but it was short notice. Well, then began the days of daycare roulette. Who was waiting for us in the morning gets tiresome as it throws off the whole routine of the day.

Anyhow, I was able to talk with H and explain that P wasn't going to be at school anymore. We opt to call it school for simplicity's sake and when he goes to preschool in the fall the name is consistent. At times H would say, "Where P go?" I would have to explain that she wasn't working at school anymore. "She's working at --------." "Oh." This conversation occurred several times over the last couple of weeks. One night H informed me he was writing a note.
"I'm writing a note." "Who are you writing a note to H?"
"P." "Do you miss P?" "Yeth."
"Do you want me to tell P you miss her?" "Yeth."

Last week we were finally able to spend time with P. I told H someone was coming to see him but didn't tell who it was in case something happened. I didn't want him to be disappointed. We waited in the drive as the plan was to go to a possible sitter's house and then to McD's for food and play. She arrived, got out of the car and...he grabbed a hold of me said up, buried his head in my neck, and held on for dear life all the while whimpering. NOT the reaction I expected! I thought he would be so happy!

I tried turning around so he could see her. No use, he just held on tighter. She asked if she could hold him and he wouldn't even talk to her. We all got in the car. He wouldn't look at her or talk to her or let her touch him the whole trip. She had glassy eyes from the moment she saw him. I don't think she expected such complete rejection either. She knew he asked about her and they had been so close he would have gone anywhere with her.

During our visit, he warmed up to the sitter slowly playing with the toys and exploring a bit. At the same time, he began to thaw bit by bit toward P. He started looking at her and talking to her. By the time we left he still wouldn't let her hold him or put him in his seat but by the time we arrived at McD's he said P could get him out of his seat.

From that point, it was back to normal for the two of them. He had to sit by P and show her his toy and run back and forth and talk to her. I can't imagine how relieved she was. She said from the day we first arrived for a visit with H at the daycare that he had a special place in her heart. H has that way about him and I'm glad. The more people he meets, the more his "family" grows.

I believe that H was incredibly angry and hurt by P's sudden departure. He didn't exhibit any signs of it during our talks about her but it became crystal clear when he saw her again after the separation. I do not know if we would have been able to prepare him for it had we had the opportunity. Once I knew the circumstances, I tried my best to set his expectation for the day at school. "P won't be at school. She is working with----------- now but we will see her again soon."

H continued to have difficulty at school. His new teacher was not new to the school and he confirmed that he like her when I asked. He could not, however, disassociate the room from the teacher. I asked if he liked "M's" room (the new teacher.) "Yeth." M's room was not his room it was still P's room. I asked if he liked P's room, he said "No, different."

Ultimately, for many reasons, we chose to go to a new school and so far it seems to be going ok. It's a bit smaller overall (still staffs to state maximums) and certainly less chaotic. He says he likes his new teacher and by the end of the first day he was talking to everyone there. When asked, he said he wanted to go back each day. I was not thrilled to move him to a FOURTH daycare in the space of 18 months but felt that that would be in his best interest. We will be moving him (yet again) this fall when he starts preschool but that choice is being made so he can stay at one place for several years.

In the end, we can only be thankful that children are generally quick to forgive and to adjust.